Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Worst Great Date Ever Redux

He didn’t call back.  I didn’t call him.  I stayed off the dating site yesterday, all day (which meant ignoring other messages), because I didn’t want him to see that I’d logged on but didn’t send him a message.

I wanted to talk about what happened with a friend because, honestly, I really was confused and upset.  But I was busy and he was busy, so I emailed him a copy of this morning’s post.

His reply, “He sounds like someone you should not be around.”

My reply, “Yeah, well, the men I go out with seem to fall into 2 categories:  guys I don’t want to be around and guys I shouldn’t be around.  Leaves me with a lot of alone time.”

I have another first date tonight with a guy who seems (SEEMS) like a really decent guy.  I hope I’m right, that he’s a really decent guy.  Because right now I’d rather have a dull date with a decent guy than an amazing date with a guy who turns out to be mean and controlling.

Wish me luck.


13 to “The Worst Great Date Ever Redux”

  1. Great to see comments are open to the general public now. :)

    Good luck with the new date, Simone! Just make sure the guy eats plenty of greasy food so that it alleviates the effect of any alcohol he may consume.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yes. That is why I embarked on this move. So that the comments could be open but moderated. It’s been a lot of work but I hope in the end it’s worth it. And thanks. I am 100% certain (make that 95%) that tonight’s guy is not a heavy drinker. I think.

  2. sugar says:

    Why are you still dwelling on the date with Jeckle and Hyde? It sounds like he either has a drinking problem, or was really into you and the date, so he kept consuming booze while trying to make things happen with you. I’m guessing you’ve probably written guys off an hour into a date for far less offenses. Anyway, this saved you the trouble of thinking you met some dream person only to find out months later they’re prone to inappropriate snapping.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I know that it’s something that no everybody can relate to. Truth is, I just don’t click with that many guys. And it’s not about some external list (height, income, background…). The men I’ve clicked with in the past have come in lots of different shapes and sizes, from lot of different corners of the world. But there really haven’t been too many of them. Not really. And so when I meet someone and I see real potential there, I do dwell on it. But you’re right, he saved me the trouble of falling for him hard, only to turn into a jerk a few months down the line. I guess I should be grateful.

  3. AC says:

    I understand completely.

    I agree with the earlier comment that this was likely a good thing. You saw his dark side before you fell hard enough for him that you might have compromised yourself to stay with him. Still, it’s hard to let that kind of connection go. If you think it’s control he wants, it’s smart to be going about things the way that you are, but if he does come to you and you’re feeling it, I’d go with it. I mean, what’s the worst thing he can do on a second date? If the mean strike rears its ugly head again, you can walk right out, and if it doesn’t, you have the opportunity to communicate your worries from date number one. Yes, the safest and probably smartest thing you can do is stay away, but… date number two leaves you with absolutely no regrets, because it deflates the ‘what if’. Only do what you feel comfortable with, though. I’m just saying that I get where you’re coming from, but I’m a little bit crazy so my advice isn’t always sound.

    Anyway, I’ve become a regular reader a few weeks ago and I just wanted to say hi and drop a line.

    Much love,

  4. Miss Alpha says:

    Forgive me revealing my true hippie colors… but it sounds like The Universe is just reminding you that there are still awesome guys out there and not to settle for “decent.” Unless you like decent. Do you like decent?

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think the universe is trying to tell me things all the time. And like I said, the guys I date tend to fall into 2 groups: guys I don’t want to be around and guys I shouldn’t be around. *sigh*

  5. Jai says:

    You obviously want to contact him so why not do it? I don’t understand why everything has to be so dramtic and dragged out. Are you waiting for people to give you permission?

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, no I’m not waiting for people to give me permission. I was giving myself time to think about it and readers time to comment about it. Hardly dramatic, just taking my time.

  6. Terry says:

    Oh Simone it pains me to read this – I’m so sorry.

    Alcohol can do a lot of strange things to people – which is kinda the definition of a problem with alcohol. Not saying he has it- but most of us who have been around booze for a while know when to say when- and on a first date– well, I prefer coffee or tea for first dates and see how the conversation goes.

    But that’s not the point- I just felt pain through that whole experience – and yes, it is difficult when we see a bit of potential and it is taken away from us. I like intelligent, articulate people in general – and if the date doesn’t have it- well, I have to walk. That narrows the field down – a lot. What is really tough when you find that rare combination in someone- and you see a part of them that is dark, and yet you want to connect with the brain and forget that dark side. Too bad we can’t get people cafeteria style — (can I have the lady with the bright mind, well read, isn’t afraid to speak her mind, but is not an ax murderer).

    I wish I had some sage advice for you – I don’t. I just feel the pain – know what it is like to see that bit of potential then taken away when a dark side is revealed. I’ve been involved with those who have that dark side, thinking I could overlook it — and that didn’t turn out so well. I’m so sorry you had that experience.

    Hope tonight is fun

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks Terry. As I’m sure you know, those intelligent, articulate people can be hard to come by. I guess that’s why I came to the conclusion, a while back, that it was cool if I never got married. Because I’m not willing to settle for less that someone who can engage my mind and my spirit. Anyway…

  7. I hate it when you meet someone you genuinely, truly like, and know you could have a connection with, and then they have a genuine flaw that simply cannot be overlooked.

    My latest find was like that, and I’m still kind of bummed about it. It was refreshing, though, to go out with someone I *liked*. Gave me hope I’d be able to find another, less flawed guy.