Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

In My Inbox

The message sat in my inbox for over a week before I opened it.  I’d recognized the sender by his picture and was in no hurry to read what he had to say.

We had one really .  It must have been about 3 years ago because I was still at my old job, and well, I was single.

We met for coffee, late one afternoon, at a cute little place not too far from my office.  The plan was for me to sneak out for an hour.

I remember that he was 20-25 minutes late and kept calling to yell (yell!) at me that I’d given him the wrong address (I hadn’t given him the wrong address).  I thought about leaving, but it was pouring rain and I was in no rush to head out into the storm.

Eventually he got there and acknowledged that the address I gave him was right.  He was just confused.  And then, maybe 10 minutes into the date, the conversation got very inappropriate.  I felt uncomfortable and left shortly after.

Anyway, here is the email:

Subject:  Happy New Year

“youve aged wonderfully…your pics are more beautiful than i remember

you were my first online date…although i cant recall your name at the moment, ill always remember the meet with a combination of cringe and humour….

just out of an interesting longish relationship…stumbled upon your profile, smiled to myself, and had to say hello.

i hope all is well and you get off this damn site soon, for all the reasons you hope for.

fondly,”

Name of random guy

For what it’s worth, I had no idea that I was his first online date.  That could explain how agitated and inappropriate he was.

I’ve been a lot of guys first online date.  I guess I seem accessible and non-threatening?


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8 to “In My Inbox”


  1. Anne Docherty says:

    Hi Plum!
    What an odd man. “You’ve aged wonderfully”, what the hell? We all know we’ve aged, we don’t need a reminder! Random surely isn’t going to romance his way back into your life with those awkward lines.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Anne

    • Simone Grant says:

      Anne,
      I think you’re confusing me with lostplum, but thanks for dropping by and commenting. I actually don’t mind being told that I’ve aged well. I mean, I’m 39 and I look younger. A guy pointing that out IS a compliment. But no, he has no shot in hell of romancing his way into my life.

  2. Erin says:

    Wow, he does way better in text. He should use capital letters, but still. Maybe he works in PR. If I wanted to do damage control, I’d hire him to write the press release!

  3. pups4me says:

    I seem to be a lot of guys first date too..either first online date or first date after divorce/end of relationship. I haven’t been able to figure out why, but once I discover this fact it’s usually a bit disappointing, as all I can think about is the rebound factor.
    Anyway, back to the point of your post today…I think the guy wrote a very nice email and I would appreciate receiving one in the same situation. As for his line “you’ve aged wonderfully”, I disagree with the other comment, as it’s a fine opening line in my opinion.

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s funny, because I know some women who date a lot who say they’ve never been anyone’s first date/first online date and I’ve been the online date, the first post-divorce date, the first post-divorce serious relationship. Something about that rebound factor, like you said. I’d like to figure it out and then stay as far away from it as I can for the rest of my life.

  4. Amber says:

    I can’t honestly remember who my first online date was so it probably was not too memorable. Out of the first dozen or so there were only two I had second dates with. Could it be I was their first date and that was their excuse for being weird, boring, and undatable? I don’t think so. That would be giving them the benefit of the doubt…which I don’t think any of them deserved.

    However…luck did prevail and I met my future husband online. I always joke that his first online dates got dinner dates. When they did not appear to be who they were on line (you know the glamour shots from 3,284 years ago) he took it down a notch to lunch dates. Same results. By the time he got to me I was the coffee date…that turned in to an all day date.

    Anyway, after that little ramble. Your email buddy appears to be one of those that fits in the undatable category. Probably always was and always will be.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Amber,
      I love that story. I prefer coffee and drinks dates myself. So much less pressure. And if it’s going well you can extend. And congrats on meeting someone fabulous.