Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

It’s Only Dating…

OK first. This blog is seriously pissing me off. I had a poll written for today. But I can’t make it look or be the way I want. I guess that’s going to be the next big thing on my “to do” list (it’s a long fuckin list). Sorry, this move is just so stressful. Kind of like moving from the US to the UK (different side of the road, different measures and temps for cooking) but much more intense.

Anyway, enough of my bitching. So this morning I opened my email and on top of all the normal stuff and junkmail there were 3 fresh invites to try new related services. 3.

Which really isn’t remarkable in any way. My inboxes are always full with those things. As a longtime consumer of online dating sites, I guess I’m on a lot of mailing lists. Lord only knows what they’re called, “the terminally single” lists?

I wish these new businesses well. Some of them seem really innovative. Lots of iphone apps and new attempts to reinvent online dating (there seem to be at least 3 attempts to reinvent online dating a year). I’ve met a few people who’ve created new dating related products and they’re smart, industrious souls who seem to genuinely want to help the masses meet and mate.

That said… There’s a part of me, a voice inside, that sees these emails everyday and says, come on..  It’s dating.  I get that there’s big money to be made in dating.  That there are lots of lonely people out there.  But…it’s dating.

IDK, maybe it’s because I’m at this weird stage in my life where I’m dating and completely open to meeting someone but getting used to the idea that I’m on my own from here on out?  Nah, honestly, I don’t think it’s me.  I think our society has gone a little overboard with all of this.  I feel like we’re being sold dating.  Sold the idea of happy relationships.  Sold the idea that if you pay your $? and follow the set of instructions you’ll have the happily ever after with Prince Charming on his bright white horse.  And that all seems really kind of bizarre to me.


If that’s what people want for themselves, to date (and heck, I like dating, I like having a guy in my life, waking up next to someone if that someone is a positive contributor to my life) and to co-habitate and even to marry then go them.  But sometime in the last few years the idea of happily ever started to be as much of a commodity as cosmetics or shampoo.  Not a necessity, but almost.

Sorry, I’m rambling.  Not sure if anyone can relate?


5 to “It’s Only Dating…”

  1. Online dating and porn are what drives the internet. I imagine the new services will come and go like an Upper West Side restaurant for decades to come.

    And yeah, it’s all become a commodity. Which is why I stopped online dating years ago. I only met women who were either looking for that commodity or women not honest enough with me or themselves to say flat out that a-they just wanted sex, b-they weren’t interested period or c-they don’t know what they want.

    I don’t blame individual women for any of it. I just wonder sometimes if the industry itself creates a desire for what we think we SHOULD have instead of what we really want…and then it’s all confusion after that.

  2. Terry says:

    Is dating like dieting? There are a thousand diets – and a lot of products to help you lose weight. Diets don’t work though – so perhaps the analogy breaks down.

    Or perhaps dating is a chemical reaction — put enough people together – some of them will have a positive reaction and stick. And for some folks- well, having an avenue open to meet people provides the opportunity.

    So- yes, its dating. Like diets — many of them won’t stick – until it does–

    By the way– if/when that happens to you – -what will your column be renamed?

  3. Amber says:

    The internet has changed everything. I can’t think of anything that has not been commercialized. Restrictions on TV, even cable, have increased the internet’s value even more. Anything goes online. You can write about whatever you want, whenever you want, and have it available to the whole world wide web.

    Dating seems like it has been particularly vulnerable to commercialization. “Step right up folks and get yourself a boyfriend.”

  4. Deedee says:

    I don’t see you as being alone from here on out. I think you maybe feel quite alone right now, because you are shouldering excessive stress all alone, without anyone else to help bear the burden, and shore you up.
    And yes, I agree with your analyses that says we all end up alone with ourselves at the end, anyway, but it sure is nice to have companionship for the greater part of one’s life.
    Hang in there; I wish very good and positive things for you, in business and in your personal life. And thank you once again for keeping this blog.

  5. Simone Grant says:

    Like you, I don’t blame individuals It’s always been hard to break free of what society expects of you. It does make me wonder about all of these people willing to go along to get along, even if all of the evidence suggests it’s not working for a lot of folks…
    I totally love that comparison: dating and dieting. I’m doing to have to mull that over for a long while. As to what my blog will be called when I am no longer dating? Um, can we not count those roosters before they’re hatched?
    Yes. I guess I never really think of it as the internet’s affect on dating but you’re right. It’s online shopping for boyfriends. Step right up!
    Wow and thank you. I never know what to say when people leave such kind comments/notes because I feel like this blog is a blessing for me, an outlet. I’m glad other people get something out of it. And I do hope that one day I meet someone, even if it’s not “forever” to spend my days with. I’m just not counting on it.

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