So I’m gonna take a big deep breath and try to block everything out, all of the stress and my phone bzzing every 2 minutes and the twelve things I was supposed to do today and didn’t and try to tell you about my weekend. Which was enlightening. Kinda.
Going into the weekend I had some social plans with friends (an evening out, a tentative brunch, maybe a movie) a first date with a guy I’d met online and spoken to a couple of times, and even plans to get laid (YES, the fuckbuddy was back in town). I also had stacks of client work to get to, a proposal for a new client to work on and tons of clean-up work related to the blog move. Work, work, work.
There was no way to get it all in. Not even if I skipped on sleep. Which I did. So I passed on most of my social plans, staying in on Friday and Saturday nights to work. And I cancelled my date. I thought about it for a good long time and then decided that I just wasn’t excited enough about meeting the guy. That when it came down to it, I’d rather have the couple extra hours to work or sleep (hair, make-up, clothes, travel time, date = about 2 hours on the short end I figured) than meet him.
I did, however, make the time for sex. Sex is still a pretty high priority for me.
Thinking about it, I have to admit, makes me a little sad. I feel like I’m regressing. I’ve been here before. In the “I don’t have time to date” place. It’s not a horrible place. All my needs are being met. But there’s no hope here. No hope of anything ever changing. Of anyone ever being there when I wake up in the morning. And I, well, I miss having hope. If that makes sense. Hope is actually pretty important to me. Maybe as important as sex. Maybe.
Anyway, I was supposed to have a date tonight – but I cancelled it. I forgot about a work related commitment I had. But come hell or high water I’m going to reschedule it because he seems like a decent guy. And I do, actually, have a date scheduled for tomorrow night and I have no intention of canceling that. No matter how busy I get.
I said that my weekend was enlightening. Maybe that was too strong of a word. But thinking about how busy and stressed out I’ve let myself get lately makes me realize that I’m going down a bad path. I want to have the time to do the things that are important to me. And dating is actually kind of important to me. Oddly.
Not sure if any of that makes any sense. I’m still pretty exhausted and strung out. I’m sure I’ll find some time to schedule in a few hours of sleep some time later in the week.
Tags: blog, fuckbuddy, stress