Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Kinda Disappointed, Kinda Proud of Myself?

So early last week it looked like this week was going to be busy with dates.  My was full of messages from new guys and a handful of them seemed like they had potential.  I was looking forward to it, actually.

And then, I started to really look at them.  And to think about the fact that I’ve been too willing to go out with men, in the past, who had things on their profiles that seemed like potential dealbreakers. Because I wanted to keep an open mind.  Because “you never know”.  Because I wasn’t as sure of myself as I wanted to pretend I was.

The harder I looked and the more I thought about it the less potential those guys seemed to have. Each had a fatal flaw that made them… Just not right for me.  Not a bad guy.  Maybe a wonderful man. Just not the man I should be dating.

So I stopped communicating with most of them.  And as a result, it doesn’t look like I’ll have any dates this week.  Maybe, it’s possible there might be one at the end of the week.  And I already have one set up for next week.

I’ve just decided it’s time I stop being so flexible from the get go.  As an experiment, if nothing else. Which means fewer dates. But, I hope, better dates.

This is not easy for me because it goes against my instincts.  I’ve never wanted to be the hyper-picky, overly paranoid girl who’s afraid of giving guys a chance.  I’m trying hard to not be that now.  Just, y’know, think more about who I’m likely to mesh with. Save myself a bit of time and bother in the long run.


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13 to “Kinda Disappointed, Kinda Proud of Myself?”


  1. singlutionary says:

    I think this is awesome! I don’t think you’re picky. You’re just not wasting your time! Sometimes you might give one of them a chance that doesn’t fit your criteria just because there is something about him. There are lots of guys I won’t date because I can just tell from the getgo . . . but maybe that is why I am single! Oh well!

  2. Apodiform says:

    I’m curious to see how this works for you! I once read this ‘expose’ on internet dating. This woman went on and on about how horrible it was…only to find out that she went out with anyone who asked her! Bah. Only go out with the ones you really like! And of course blog about it ;)

  3. Miss Alpha says:

    This sounds like a fabulous idea. :)

  4. jennibean5 says:

    I watch my single friend go through this and let me tell you…the super picky thing is NOT working out for her at all! If there is some major flaw then definitely don’t go out with them but if it’s little nit picky things I say give them a chance.

  5. lilkimbo says:

    I think what you’re trying is interesting. Let us know how it works out! I think that it’s better/easier to be picky with online dating because people only present the best of themselves there, so if there’s a flaw you see, it might even be worse than you think. (As opposed to in “the real world,” where I would be more apt to overlook small flaws.)

  6. MissSushi says:

    I think it really depends on what sort of things she’s passing up as “deal breaker” flaws, she doesn’t go into any detail so for all we know she’s passing up blond guys and people with interests she finds boring. She admits that they are probably perfectly fine men, perhaps even wonderful, so I dunno. I don’t think you should be dating a new guy each night, and I do agree that its easier to put a better face on yourself online, but it can be a slippery slope to be so insanely picky. You are never going to find someone who meets your criteria and/or matches your interests, it’s okay to be with someone whos a little different then you.

  7. totygoliguez says:

    I will have to agree with you. Sometimes is good to be picky (it also depends on what are you being picky about, if is on his appearance, then try to give the guy a chance, but if is on personality trails, then, I think is a good thing). For example, why would you go out with a guy that hate children when you know you want to have a family, that will be a waist of time. In the long-run you know you don’t have a future. I think is a good experiment.

  8. mix tape says:

    I’m the opposite, way too picky. Also, sometimes you just need to go on a date for a small ego boost or dinner lol.

  9. Cecilia White says:

    I completely agree with your strategy 100%. I’m 31 now, and in the past I was able to overlook major flaws way too easily (he says he’s not ready for something serious, he lives with his parents, he’s a republican), but I know myself better and I know what I want and what I deserve. I think being picky means you have a clear goal in mind and you know what you want and you have to go after it. I’ve always been a people pleaser which is terrible because I often feel unnecessarily obligated to go out with “nice guys” that aren’t “the one.” None of that anymore! I’d rather be single and alone and holding out for a compatible guy then wasting time with guys that I’m not really compatible with in the long run. I’d rather be at the gym or at home watching Netflix :-)

  10. postmodernsleaze says:

    I used to have the “try anything” attitude, but not anymore. I am now hyper picky. I don’t see it as a bad thing though. I see it as me knowing exactly what I want and not willing to settle on something less. What’s wrong with having your eye on the prize?

  11. mndmay says:

    I agree with the posters above; I can be picky, as well, but when I tried the online thing, I tried to force myself to have an open mind. I think what you are doing is fine, so long as your “dealbreakers” are major issues (kids, smoking, religion, etc) versus looks, names or his job title.

  12. cupcakers says:

    I totally agree with #6 and #7.. I’m 23 and single and right now I know myself and what I deserve..it’s not just about being super picky, well I know what I need to be picky about. I’ve had guys who were interested in me who I knew were huuge deal-breakers from the get-go..and I was a few years back more easygoing, but dating guys that weren’t for me just left me feeling awful..so I focused on college and my friends..now as a recent graduate I’m ready to start looking-be more open but be picky..I’m hopeful I’ll find someone who is right for me when I do.

  13. Webcams says:

    I like the idea a lot. Spreading yourself to thin could the enjoyment out of the dates you are more interested in.

    Going with the guys you have more in common with could be a lot better and make them more enjoyable.