I’m afraid of a lot of things.
Heights. I love the view from a friend’s rooftop. Sometimes in the summer we’ll go up to his roof at night and eat italian ices and look out over at the city lights. No matter what we end up talking about those conversations are always special. I just can’t get too close to the edge. Not within 3 or 4 feet. Otherwise I start to feel queasy. The heights freak me out.
Merging. I’m one of the world’s worst drivers. I whole-heartedly admit this. It’s not something I’m proud of, it just is what it is. And so much of my driving dysfunction stems from my fear of merging. I just can’t go and believe that the cars will let me in. That they won’t speed up and crush me.
Birds. I saw Hitchcock’s The Birds, when I was quite young (how young, I don’t recall) and ever since I cannot shake my irrational fear of birds. I cannot stand to spend time in a room with a pet bird and freak out when surrounded by too many pigeons. Go figure.
These are just the tip of the iceberg.
One thing I’m not afraid of is ending up alone.
What does that even mean? “End up alone?” At the end one’s life?
Partners die. Children move away. It seems to me that most people end up alone no matter what they do. I’m alone now and there are positives and negatives to it.
I have no idea if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I’m not afraid.
Tags: fear, single