Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Fear

I’m afraid of a lot of things.

Heights.  I love the view from a friend’s rooftop.  Sometimes in the summer we’ll go up to his roof at night and eat italian ices and look out over at the city lights.  No matter what we end up talking about those conversations are always special.  I just can’t get too close to the edge.  Not within 3 or 4 feet. Otherwise I start to feel queasy.  The heights freak me out.

Merging.  I’m one of the world’s worst drivers.  I whole-heartedly admit this.  It’s not something I’m proud of, it just is what it is.  And so much of my driving dysfunction stems from my of merging.  I just can’t go and believe that the cars  will let me in. That they won’t speed up and crush me.

Birds.  I saw Hitchcock’s The Birds, when I was quite young (how young, I don’t recall) and ever since I cannot shake my irrational fear of birds.  I cannot stand to spend time in a room with a pet bird and freak out when surrounded by too many pigeons.  Go figure.

These are just the tip of the iceberg.

One thing I’m not afraid of is ending up alone.

What does that even mean?  ”End up alone?”  At the end one’s life?

Partners die.  Children move away.  It seems to me that most people end up alone no matter what they do.  I’m alone now and there are positives and negatives to it.

I have no idea if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Either way, I’m not afraid.


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4 to “Fear”


  1. Singlegal says:

    I’m totally afraid of being alone.
    Try as I might, I can’t seem to get over it. So, I’ve decided instead just to embrace it, and make the best of it!
    Hope that plan works …

  2. Simone Grant says:

    I think your plan is a lot more sensible than most people’s. Most people won’t even face their fears, won’t admit that things won’t work out the way they’d planned.

    I think you’re going to be just fine.

  3. singlutionary says:

    When you’re dying, well, that is a very solitary experience. I mean, nobody can die for you. And although people can die with you (as in at the same time) it is still your body that dies and yours alone.

    Plus, you’re never really alone. Well. Maybe some folks are. But even if you die single, there are plenty of people who will miss you. Dying single or dying without children is a far cry from dying alone!

  4. Simone Grant says:

    -singlutionary
    I was using the phrase, “die alone” to mean “spent the last years/months/days of your life alone”. It seems that so often when I’m talking about being single and the fact that I’m pretty sure I’ll probably stay that way I hear, “aren’t you afraid you’ll die alone”? As if the point of marrying and having kids is so that a person has someone to care for them at the end of their life.

    I agree with, dying is a solitary experience. Even if you’re lucky enough to go peacefully, surrounded by loved ones, it’s still solitary.