Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Crazy Bitch in the Mirror

I’ll admit it. I’ve been that crazy girlfriend.

You know, the one who calls and leaves a few too many voicemails (and and emails). Who asks, in a peak of frenzy, “why haven’t you called me back” in her 10th message of the day.

The batshit crazy girlfriend, like the one we all laughed at in that College Humor video who kept emailing her boyfriend (while he was vacationing for 2 weeks in Europe). One of the reasons that video is so funny is that it’s behavior we all recognize, just taken to the extreme.

I’m not saying it’s healthy behavior. Hell no. In fact, I’d like to think that I’ve learned enough (I hope) to not act that way in the future. But it is pretty damn common. And I’m willing to admit that on more than one occasion I’ve turned into the crazy bitch in the mirror.

So what brings on this admission, you ask? 3 things: First, I saw M last week for the first time since we split up (I’m still kinda recovering from that in a weird way). One of the things we talked about, in addition to the fact that he’s not in my phone’s address book, is that I will never again leave him a voicemail. Because I’ve left him enough vms to meet my lifetime quota. That was how our relationship ended. He was away and just stopped communicating. He went from several daily texts/calls/emails to pretty much nothing. And I became the crazy girlfriend who called and called, leaving vm after vm. Many of which sounded, I’m sure, completely hysterical.

And, of course, I get that no one wants to call back the crazy girlfriend. I sure wouldn’t want to. But I didn’t understand it then. Because I was crazy.

Next is something a friend said recently. She was waiting for a guy she’d gone out with a couple of times to get back to her re their next date. She liked him a lot (no sex yet, but they’d made-out a bit) and he’d said he was going to call, but he hadn’t. And so she was waiting. Trying to be patient. In the meantime, she couldn’t help but notice that he was tweeting up a storm and updating his facebook status a half-dozen times a day, so clearly he wasn’t that busy. The waiting (and the fb stalking) was driving her crazy and she realized that. She knew that it wasn’t good for her mental health, she actually said that it was making her crazy. But she didn’t stop. Eventually the guy called and that was the end of that. For now.

Lastly, last night @SingleGal asked this question on : How does one deal with being ignored? Not surprisingly, her tweet set off a flurry of replies:

@drunken_hopfrog @SingleGal strip

@Ollie_Miles @SingleGal Strip? / Coat the ignorer in whip cream? / Get some hand cuffs and latch yaself to them? / Kick them in the ass and then ask y?

@rcollazo @SingleGal Boiling bunnies?

@ShootingStarBnB Or ignore back. @GoodbyeGal@SingleGal Ignore that you are being ignored.

@CarrieBlogshaw @SingleGal people who ignore are only worthy of being ignored. as always, the best revenge is living well – it drives them crazy!

@silvie1999 @SingleGal I know how you feel.. i sometimes feel ignored and then i just move on.

@SimoneGrant I’ve never learned that skill. Pls do share what you learn. RT @SingleGal: How does one deal with being ignored?

@NicLizD RT @SimoneGrant: I’ve never learned that skill. Pls do share what you learn. RT @SingleGal: How does one deal with being ignored? || DITTO

There seems to be something deep inside most of us that gets triggered when we’re being ignored. And yes, the more insecure a person and the more insecure they’re feeling in their relationship(s) the the more upset they’re going to get. But I think it’s more than that. Bigger than just issues of insecurity and abandonment. But what do I know? I’m not a shrink and I don’t play one on TV.

I’m not sure I have a point here (do I always need to have a point?). I just know that I’ve had, in the past, the capacity to go batshit crazy. And I’ve seen it happen to lots of other otherwise smart, sane women I know. Even a couple of guys.

Perhaps we should file this under Reasons why love stinks?

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