Yesterday I posted something on my Tumblr blog about how I’m going to focus more on projects I care about (well, that’s part of what it’s about). One of the things I’m doing is trying to find a way to write more.
Not on the blog. But things that are relevant to the blog narrative. If that makes sense.
Anyway, I’m working on something. A story that I’ve never told here.
It’s one of those stories that make me cry as I work on it. And so it’s been slow going. ’cause I find it hard to write while I’m crying.
I’ve gotten to this point with it where I’m rereading sections and shaking my head and thinking, NO. Because it turns out that I’ve been reliving the same stupid relationship patterns over and over.
Note how I said patterns. Plural. I used to only be cognizant of one. It was a pattern I recognized years ago and I’ve worked hard to stop reliving it. Well, now that I’m working on this story I noticed this other pattern. And it’s so obvious. Glaringly obvious.
So now all I have to do is change the way I see and relate to men. More. Again.
Shit. Does it ever get any easier?