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5 Reasons Why I Hate Hotel Sex

Not too long ago I started writing a rant about how much I hate hotel .  Sometimes I do that. Start posts and save the unfinished drafts.  I figured I’d go back and finish the hotel post one day when the mood struck me (or when I had nothing better to write about).  Anyway, the mood struck me yesterday as I read this post on Em & Lo, 7 Reasons Why I Hate Shower Sex.

I have nothing against shower sex, btw.  I quite like it, in fact.  But it reminded me of my rant against hotel sex and so here it is, in list form: 5 Reasons Why I Hate Hotel Sex

  1. Hotels are noisy. Even if you’re in a big suite in a nice hotel, chances are you can hear the people in the hallway or the people in the next room.  Not all the time.  Maybe only every once in a while (although I seem to have a knack for getting rooms next to people who lie in their beds and watch TV with the volumes on high). All that noise from the other rooms and the hallway makes me self-conscious about the fact that other people can hear me.  And as I’ve written about before, I can’t really enjoy myself completely if I’m worrying about how much noise I’m making.
  2. Chances are (I’m a flyer, not a driver) I don’t have my special things with me. I’ll pack condoms in my carry-on or my purse. No issue there.  But not lube.  And not any other, um, toys or things. I just couldn’t deal with those conversations at airport security. And I rarely check my bags unless it’s a long trip (we’re talking several weeks). And so if I’m going to be away with my guy for more than a night or two we’re just not going to have as much fun as we would at home (although I can remember a rather frustrating late night trip to a drug store in Miami, but that’s another story).
  3. There’s the cleanliness thing.  Hotel rooms look clean. But there’s a difference between looking clean and being clean. I don’t want to be rolling around on thousands of strangers’ bodily fluid. Sorry, ick. Makes my skin crawl when I think of it.
  4. And the cleaning thing.  It makes me uncomfortable to have someone cleaning up after me, after sex.  Those are my sweaty, nasty sheets. It feels wrong that some stranger is going to come along and touch them.
  5. Housekeeping.  I like morning sex.  That’s an understatement.  I cannot have a decent LTR with a man who doesn’t like morning sex.  If I’m away from home (on vacation or on a business trip, whatever) and having morning sex with my guy, I do not want to hear housekeeping knocking on the door at 10am (because yes, we’ll have slept late and at 10am will probably still be having sex) to find out if my room needs cleaning.
Your thoughts?


11 to “5 Reasons Why I Hate Hotel Sex”

  1. DaveTheBrit says:

    I agree with every point here and I think there’s the whole expected situation, it loses its spark.

    We are at a hotel, we are having sex. Meh. There’s having sex when you know but a hotel is so much different!

    Lack of toys and stuff is also a major thing! But a lipstick vibrator is always easy to hide, but under a scanner could easily looking like something different!!

    But a hotel in the countryside where you have no one around that’s a bit different!!

  2. devintrix says:

    I will say one good thing – doubled beds make for clean sheets for a comfy sleep

  3. everthelady says:

    I have a certain level of impartiality on this one but your points are interesting and valid. Here are some suggestions that may help you enjoy hotel sex more.

    1. I live in NYC so LIFE is just noisy – ask for the room at the end of the hall – less foot traffic

    2. Could’t you put something like lube in an unmarked travel container? The idea of shocking TSA kinda amuses me – but I’m not really a toy girl so…

    3. Pack your own sheets. I almost always pack a pillow case.

    4. Makes my life easier – can’t say I share that hang up about clean up however if you pack your own you can always take them with you.

    5. Don’t all hotels provide the do not disturb sign. If not carry you own. Saw one at a novelty shop just the other day that said “Do Not Disturb – We’re Having Sex”

  4. ebertje says:

    I generally enjoy hotel sex with my guy, although I really shouldn’t considering my first experience with hotel sex with him and in general! I’ll try to make it short, we go on vacation, get a nice suite with a livingroom and adjoining bedroom. We had some minor trouble with something regarding a special we had read about and my bf had called down to the front desk about. After said call, things get a bit steamy (excited about our first vacation away together) and we’re having a little fun in the bedroom…about half way through we both hear some knocking (we ignore it, because come on! And also, I’m pretty sure we had put up the “do not disturb” sign), and soon after it stops we hear someone in the livingroom aread! Bf and I discontinue our fun and bf hurries to close the bedroom door and cover himself up at the same time while trying to tell on of the front desk guys to get the hell out of our room as politely as possible. All I have to say is, thank god we were in the bedroom when he came in, and not in the livingroom where it all started!

  5. mateeeee says:

    well it’s like they say about cold pizza….

  6. PMFoutofwater says:

    I once lived with a girl who LOVED people hearing what she was up to. I used to quite get off on it. Doesn’t bother me much either, I have to say. Can understand the cleanliness issues, though. Really good post.

  7. Black Iris says:

    Honey, once you have kids the ONLY morning sex is hotel sex.

    I love hotel sex.

  8. Black Iris says:

    As far as the cleanliness issue – they’re probably better at cleaning than I am. Besides, you’re going to sleep in the sheets anyway, aren’t you?

  9. DateratLarge says:

    I dislike hotel sex but mostly because I used to have a lot of sex in hotels and ended up kind of feeling like a whore. I was involved with a guy when traveling for work and he often came to my hotel late at night, and sometimes stayed and sometimes didn’t and met me in the hotel bar and we’d go up to my room together and all was under the eyes of the hotel staff. Since I stayed at that hotel for months I knew all the staff and got a little paranoid about what they knew/thought about my sex life and such. So basically that ruined it for me.

  10. Simone Grant says:

    Hehehe, the comments on this one made me giggle. People are so different and strange (and maybe I’m the strangest one of all). Thanks and welcome to all of our newcomers here.
    I was thinking of the countryside exception. Also better, for me, are places where you have your own little “house” or cabin that’s far from anything else:-)
    – devintrix
    That’s one way to look at it, for sure.
    You pack your own pillow cases? Wow. I might start doing that. As far as the do not disturb signs, I’ve had those completely ignores on multiple occasions by hotel staff that were clearly in a rush to finish cleaning a floor, etc. NOT OK.
    LOL. Hotel staff just walking in – so not appropriate. Another reason to like hotel sex.
    I’m actually a big fan of cold pizza.
    – PMFoutofwater
    Thanks darling. I know that the noise thing is very individual. Some of us are just a bit neurotic.
    -Black Iris
    Ah yes. I here that from other parents. As I don’t intend on ever having kids that shift won’t happen to me. Oh, and I trust that the sheets are clean. Just not ANYTHING else in the room.
    I could see how that would turn you off it. I’d probably feel similarly.

  11. Amy says:

    I can agree with you on all of your points but in general, I hate hotel sex because, well, it makes me feel like a hooker. I like having sex in places neither one of us has to pay for. I think it’s the idea of being in a hotel even if we’re on vacation. Just makes me feel cheap. and dirty. ew.