Not too long ago I started writing a rant about how much I hate hotel sex. Sometimes I do that. Start posts and save the unfinished drafts. I figured I’d go back and finish the hotel sex post one day when the mood struck me (or when I had nothing better to write about). Anyway, the mood struck me yesterday as I read this post on Em & Lo, 7 Reasons Why I Hate Shower Sex.
I have nothing against shower sex, btw. I quite like it, in fact. But it reminded me of my rant against hotel sex and so here it is, in list form: 5 Reasons Why I Hate Hotel Sex
- Hotels are noisy. Even if you’re in a big suite in a nice hotel, chances are you can hear the people in the hallway or the people in the next room. Not all the time. Maybe only every once in a while (although I seem to have a knack for getting rooms next to people who lie in their beds and watch TV with the volumes on high). All that noise from the other rooms and the hallway makes me self-conscious about the fact that other people can hear me. And as I’ve written about before, I can’t really enjoy myself completely if I’m worrying about how much noise I’m making.
- Chances are (I’m a flyer, not a driver) I don’t have my special things with me. I’ll pack condoms in my carry-on or my purse. No issue there. But not lube. And not any other, um, toys or things. I just couldn’t deal with those conversations at airport security. And I rarely check my bags unless it’s a long trip (we’re talking several weeks). And so if I’m going to be away with my guy for more than a night or two we’re just not going to have as much fun as we would at home (although I can remember a rather frustrating late night trip to a drug store in Miami, but that’s another story).
- There’s the cleanliness thing. Hotel rooms look clean. But there’s a difference between looking clean and being clean. I don’t want to be rolling around on thousands of strangers’ bodily fluid. Sorry, ick. Makes my skin crawl when I think of it.
- And the cleaning thing. It makes me uncomfortable to have someone cleaning up after me, after sex. Those are my sweaty, nasty sheets. It feels wrong that some stranger is going to come along and touch them.
- Housekeeping. I like morning sex. That’s an understatement. I cannot have a decent LTR with a man who doesn’t like morning sex. If I’m away from home (on vacation or on a business trip, whatever) and having morning sex with my guy, I do not want to hear housekeeping knocking on the door at 10am (because yes, we’ll have slept late and at 10am will probably still be having sex) to find out if my room needs cleaning.