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Do You Check Out The Ex?

You know how some topics just seem to keep coming up? Over and over. Well lately it seems like wherever I look, people are talking about their partner’s ex.  Specifically they’re facebook stalking the , or obsessing about the ex in some other way.

I gotta say, I find this BIZARRE. Not in a judgy way, more in a I’ve moved to a new country and everyone behaves differently way.

I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that I’ve only ever googled a guy’s ex 2x and each time I had a pretty compelling reason to.  The first time was when I was dating one of the guys with a stalker (real stalker, restraining order and all that). The stalker started to stalk his ex-wife, too.  So I asked him how the stalker found his ex-wife and he said she was pretty easy to find, that there was something on that had both of their names and then when you just googled her…  So I had to.  It was practically a requirement (and that’s when I found out that I was basically the younger version of her, uber-creepy).

The next time was also a requirement.  I was dating someone who mentioned his ex-wife (it was in relation to a story about their son) in a very, you know, kind of way. The tone of his voice made it seem like he assumed I knew who she was.  And I didn’t. Of course, when I got home that night/the next day I immediately googled him and there, on the 2nd or 3rd page, she was.  She was/is a actress.  I’m so not into web-stalking my dates (really, really not) that I didn’t bother reading enough of his google hits (back when we first starting dating and I googled him for some basic info) to find her.  But then once I did, I had to dig further into her…

Anyway, for today’s question I want to know if I’m weird for never checking this stuff out and then checking in (all the time) on the exes.  Is that kind of thing the norm?

Do you cyber-stalk your date’s/significant other’s ex?

  • Yes. I can’t help myself. (27 votes)
  • No. Why should I care what he/she is doing? (43 votes)
  • I don’t cyberstalk, but I do check every once in a while. (38 votes)
  • Other. Please explain in the comments. (4 votes)

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33 to “Do You Check Out The Ex?”

  1. Veka says:

    No. That’s just absurd. Maybe, like you Simone, if I had a compelling reason to, I might. But I have never had the need nor the desire to do so. I think the majority of these people who “cyberstalk” are people who have some sort of insecurity about the situation.

  2. Singlegal says:

    You bet I do! It is pure, unabashed, curiosity. Why? Oh, I suppose for a host of reasons – what does she look like? What do her pictures say about her? Does she seem to be like me, or completely different? What does he see in me, that he didn’t see in her? Note: I’m not saying ANY of this is a good idea (just letting it all hang out for the blog reading masses!), but I will say I do it without an ounce of malice. I’m not looking for drama or big comparisons – just some better understanding of him.

  3. jiveleigh says:

    I have to say, I’m sometimes guilty of letting my “curiosity” get the best of me. I suppose I want to reassure myself that they are, indeed, over and she is completely out of the picture. Afterall, that picture that pops up on facebook of him hugging his “friend” might turn out to be his ex… That wouldn’t make me too happy. On the contrary, sometimes too much knowledge is unhealthy and can lead to over-thinking and self-doubting. So I do try to hold back.

  4. SleeplessInSimi says:

    I have never looked up the ex. I have cyber-stalked “the one that got away”. Checked in to see what he was up to. Just to look I guess….. obsess much, yeah I think so….sigh

  5. Rintu says:

    I really have thought a lot about it. Though its been nearly 2 years we got separated, i still find an excuse to see what my ex is upto. It must be obsession or love or hate or anything. But i cant seem to stop myself. Everytime i think this is going to be the last one, and everytime it comes out to be a second last time. In my case, i not only check what she is upto, but also what her present is upto. Guess what, it gave me a chance to get drunk again. Know why, i came to know, she got engaged to him. Wow! I am such a jerk. And i still keep checkin whats she upto. Dont know about you, but i seem to be an emotional fool…

  6. tlsgirl says:

    Oh, his ex. I thought the question was my ex. In that case, no. I don’t check out his exes. I don’t see any reason to really. Besides, all of my current boyfriend’s exes are way in the past.

  7. Snookyx says:

    No I don’t. The less I know about an ex the better.

  8. bluestar says:

    I only have once…because she was the mother of his child that he hadn’t seen in 8 years. My curiousity killed me. I wanted to know what his daughter looked like. Argh!!! The internet is making stuff too easy!

  9. starangel82 says:

    Never. Nor would I want to. It’s just too strange to me.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I don’t have an ex (I don’t date) so I don’t really have to worry about things like this.

  11. bellydancinmary says:

    I have had to check up on the ex before because my friend told me she saw something, but other than that, normally I don’t. Good thing I did though because I found out he was the poor version of Tiger Woods. He was married, with a son, still living with her, and dating like three other girls at the same time! Good thing I found out what nasty jerk he was before our second date (because I probably would have kissed him)!

  12. bellydancinmary says:

    Other than what I previously commented on, I’m with snookyx. The less I know, the better.

  13. GlowingMoon says:


  14. HoneyBrown1976 says:

    I don’t have to. I am married to my “ex.” lol

  15. janneth says:

    Bad idea. You can’t win.

  16. KadBunny says:

    I like to pretend there are no exes. 😛 But seriously, there was a time I obsessed over this one girl in his past and it just made me feel like crap. Not even because I felt less attractive (though she was very pretty) but it hurt in a damn,-she-was-there-first kinda way. So I just stop. The less I know, the better.

  17. mommahello says:

    That would be a useless exercise.

  18. bonchicbongenre says:

    I’m guilty of doing this. Is it a bad idea? Probably. But I can’t seem to help myself.

  19. lauraxtc says:

    Im guilty of doing so. Shame on me.
    But only because they contacted me through myspace and facebook first!!
    It only brings drama I will tell you that.

    I had to delete my pages and start new ones with different info.
    His ex had a problem with ME.
    Finally we “talked” over myspace and cleared things up.

    and that was the last of that.

  20. totygoliguez says:

    There is an old saying: ” eyes that don’t see; heart that doesn’t feel.” I don’t really want to know about my boy friend’s ex. I know if I dig in I will just feel insecure. I don’t even want to know his past girl friends names, I don’t want to know anything about his past relationships, is none of my business.

  21. sugajen says:

    confusing title. i have googled a few of MY exes but only the long term ones out of curiosity. to google a boyfriends ex is a WASTE OF TIME and emotion. Why should I care and make myself worry. If he brings her up alot obviously he still has feelings and you shouldn’t be with that guy.

  22. starbucks says:

    Guilty…I am a little obsessed with my boyfriend’s ex which is so stupid…And yeah, that’s just insecurity on my part. I only check her profile pic every once in a while though…

  23. kelkooshoe says:

    I never check the ex! MY friend tole me about him once! I am so happy with my bf, why should I do so !

  24. Autumns_Elegy says:

    I’d only google one of my boyfriends ex’s. And that’s just to be sure she DID move out of the country. There’s bad blood there and neither of us really want her messing with our lives.

    Beyond that, those girls are in the past, and that’s where they stay. :)

  25. Simone Grant says:

    Wow, first, welcome to all the first time readers/commenters here on the blog. So happy you all decided to drop by and share your opinions. I guess this is one of those things that runs the gamut. For some of us it seems weird to google someone’s ex. For others, it seems completely natural. No judgments either way (on my part).

  26. Soniabonya says:

    Do I check on my fiance’s exes? No. I don’t. I don’t care. He’s with me and that’s that.

    Do I check up on my ex from 5 years ago? Sometimes. We’re friends on facebook and occasionally chat but that’s all.

  27. lawchick says:

    His – nope, don’t care. Mine – yup! I’m curious!

  28. vmruby says:

    No….. the girl before me I knew personally (she was the mother of my husband’s young son at the time) and I found out alot more about her than I actually wanted or needed to know….:oy:

    As for the other ex-girlfriends can’t say I’ve ever been the slightest bit interested.We’re very happily married. and as far as we’re both concerned his choice was made a long time ago . They have absolutely nothing at all to do with us so it doesn’t matter to me who the are…….

  29. sourcherry says:

    No. To be honest I never had that kind of curiosity, probably because he never had any serious relationships before me.

  30. Anonymous says:

    I’m single right now so i don’t check my boyfriend’s ex’s :). The boys i’ve dated throughout the past year- no i haven’t checked their ex’s probably because it never escalted out of dating. If it had gone further i might have just out of curiosity to see what they look like. I do check up on my ex from time to time. We broke up in February after four and a half years so i think until i’m in a happy relationship it’s kind of going to be a sore spot… this time of year sucks for that haha.

  31. postmodernsleaze says:

    I don’t want to offend the people that keep saying they do it out of sheer curiosity, but I think it’s more out of insecurity than curiosity. If you want to know what she looks like, what she’s interested in, yadda yadda yadda, it seems like you’re already starting some sort of weird competition. Exes are exes, most of us have ’em, just forget about it. I hate when people get into a relationship and pretend like their new significant other was supposed to be some celibate monk before they started dating. We’ve all got a past. And that’s exactly what it is- PAST. Move on and don’t worry about it. He/she is with you now, so you should feel better about it.

    I’m more into checking out the guy I’m dating. It’s good to know you’re not about to head into a relationship with a manipulative criminal haha

  32. mix tape says:

    I just did this. I feel so ashamed, but he portrayed her as being such a crazy girl that I HAD TO look her up! Didn’t really find that much info on her, just looked at pictures mostly.

  33. Allytta says:

    i don’t know anything about my boy’s exes. we keep ex files closed. so i don’t have a name to google. if i did – i’d check it out :) but not obsess, what’s the point?