Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

How To Find A Great F*Buddy (it ain’t easy), Part 3

So I knew I wanted to find a . But I didn’t know where I should look. I’d seen plenty of ads for (no link, because it’s NSFW) and so I figured I’d give it a try.

I lasted about a week.

First off, a pretty high percentage of the guys posted pictures of their privates and quite frankly, some of them weren’t really that attractive (not what I want to see when I log onto my online dating site). And the messages I got really creeped me out. They were just too aggressive. Too slimy. I know that many people have positive experiences with this site. I’m not saying it’s a bad site, just describing my experience.

So I decided to turn to a site that I was more familiar with – . On Nerve, amongst the types of relationships a person can say they are looking for is “play”. That seemed harmless and completely unscary to me (but also an unnecessary euphemism).

I already had a profile on nerve, but I decided that I didn’t want to use it. That was my “looking for a relationship” profile. I remember feeling like I needed to start over with something new and different, since what I was seeking was something new and different.

So I created a brand new profile, one that said I was explicitly seeking a NSA relationship. Nothing more. It wasn’t connected to my old profile in any way and didn’t repeat any of the same descriptions/details so that no one could connect the two profiles. And I posted it without a picture (the first line of the description said, as I recall, “will send pics upon request” or something like that).

Unsurprisingly, I received dozens of messages the very first day (even though I posted without a picture). Most of the guys were even cute (in their pictures). It was a little overwhelming.

I started to communicate with several guys, first sending them my picture and asking them some basic questions. One of the guys was very keen and pushed our conversation to IM and then before I knew it I was agreeing to meet him for coffee at a Starbucks.

The moment I arrived at the Starbucks I knew I’d made a mistake. He just barely resembled his picture (he could have passed for the guy in the pic’s much geekier, skinnier, older brother). And he had this really jumpy nervous energy that made me feel like he could, at any moment, do something crazy. We made polite small talk for about 10 minutes during which time I tried to figure out how long I’d have to stay before I could leave (without looking like a total bitch). And then, out of nowhere he says, “So should we go?”

“Excuse me?” I replied. But I already knew what he meant.

“Back to my place.  Should we go. I’m right around the corner.”

Now, just for clarification here, I had no intention of going back to his place even if he was hot and not creepy. This was a checking him out date, not a getting laid date.

So, I replied, “No, um. I’m still shopping. I really just started. I have to go.”

I then got up and left the Starbucks and hailed the first cab that came by (I didn’t think he would follow me to the subway, but I wasn’t sure).

After that night I made a change to my profile that clarified what I meant by play. That I wasn’t interested in random hook-ups with strangers but rather finding someone to have occasional NSA with. I started to get much fewer messages.


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