Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Long Strange Road

Long story short.  I just deleted the long version of the story, something I do occasionally, because it seemed to fall into that category of “too personal” plus dredging up shit that’s better left unsaid.:  M and I had a long talk Tuesday night.  It was nice enough once we got past the, “How are you besides mad?”, “I’m mad.”, “Besides mad.” That seemed a little bit too much like a comedy routine.

Unlike past conversations, he started off by acknowledging that his “come here, go away”- his words, btw – behavior was unacceptable.  I interrupted him and told him it was worse than unacceptable.  It was insulting.  That I am and have been, for rather long stretches of time over the last couple of years, perfectly happy to not have him in my life.  And that he’s the one pushing for a way back in. And that constantly coming back to me, telling me he wants to be in my life, getting me to agree to it and then walking away was insulting.

He said he got it (we’ll see) and was going to do better (again, we’ll see).

And then we had a pleasant chat about our lives.  Including dating and relationships, which was kind of weird, but also healthy, I thought.

Anyway, the call ended the way they usually do.  He said he enjoyed talking to me and would call again when he could (and then explained how insanely busy he is…) and told me I should call him if I felt like talking.  And I pointed out that it’s been a really long time since he was a regular person in my life.  So when I want to talk to someone, he doesn’t come to mind(and so the chances of my calling him are pretty slim). And he said he got that.  And we said goodnight (it was in the wee small hours of the morning).

And that’s it.  Maybe he’ll call next week.  Or next month.  Or 3 months from now.  I have no plans to call him.  And maybe by the time he calls I’ll be dating someone I really care about and things will suddenly seem different.

I will tell you that I sent him an email yesterday telling him that, FWIW, I’d enjoyed speaking with him. It felt like the right thing to do, as I’d ended things on kind of a negative note.

I called this post, “Long Strange Road”.  I feel like he and I have been walking on this long, strange road for ages.  We’re clearly not friends.  We’re not really anything to each other.  Just exes who haven’t completely moved on yet.   I don’t know what’s at the end of the road.  Probably a lot of nothing, but I know it’s got to end, sooner or later.


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3 to “Long Strange Road”


  1. LPS says:

    I totally get your long, strange road description. It’s maddening oftentimes and other times it can be nice when both parties get along and still have that connection. I was going to say maybe give him a call sometime when you feel like it? But with this guy it’s always about power trips isn’t it? He gets in touch, he backs off (feeling he’s lost control) then he misses you, then gets in touch again, then backs off. I dunno, Simone, I’ve got no advice. Sorry! Just wanted to post a comment and say hi, too :)

  2. Jolene1079 says:

    wow, that is so frustrating. I’m glad you were able to have an open conversation about it, and shared your feelings. I hope for your sake it improves and you get the closure you need.

  3. Simone Grant says:

    -LPS
    Sometimes I think it’s all about powertrips with him (and certainly have written that, when that’s what I was thinking). And sometimes I think that’s an oversimplification and that I’m overthinking things. Right now, I’ve decided to try to not think about him, his personality, what he wants – all of it. Because it doesn’t matter. All that matters is how he treats me. Y’know?
    -Jolene1079
    Thank you. Closure is a funny thing. Sometimes I’m not sure if what I need is closure or just more time. Or maybe those two are the same thing, for me?