Let’s be honest here, I’m just muddling through this dating and relationship thing. I try to, in any given situation, do what I think is right. But sometimes I end up NOT doing what I know are the “right” things (based on what my head is telling me) because my heart is pulling me in another direction.
This has nothing to do with the blog. Nothing. This is just who I am. I write what I live. Well, I write my take on it. I’m sure my friends and the men I date see things differently, Whatever. I do my best.
Sometimes that’s not enough to make a relationship work. Sometimes I look like a fool. Heck, maybe I look like a fool a lot of the time.
The thing is, I really am trying,
Which is why, and here’s the painful truth, I will never block M’s calls (a suggestion I received from many people). Because there was a time when I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. And even though I know, really know, that we don’t belong together, there is a place in my heart for him. It’s territory that he owns. A teeny, tiny bit.
So until he does something a hell of a lot worse than call and disappear, or text and then not accept my calls, I’ll be willing to hear him out.
I understand that there are many people who are shaking their heads right now. Really, i totally get it. But the thing is, I don’t really click on that level with too many people. And I keep hearing a friend’s voice in my head (she said this early, right after M and I split) – “don’t let your pride keep you apart”.
Anyway, I just wanted to put this out there. Because for the last couple of weeks, I felt like I was lying, a little. Not writing that M and I had communicated via email because I didn’t want people to judge me harshly for it. And the thing is, it’s my life…
Tags: blog, ex-boyfriend