I was catching up on my blog reading (OK, the truth is I had horrible insomnia, AGAIN, and was up half the night surfing the net and I’m still nowhere near caught up on my blog reading. There are just so many great blogs to read, I’ll never get caught up.) when I came across something that really hit home. The post was in Glamour’s Single-Ish column and is titled The Truth About How Honest I Was With My Ex. The blogger, John Ortved, had an ex that pointed out to him that, “You weren’t always honest with yourself, which impeded how honest you could be with me.”
Funny how when we talk about lies and relationships we usually talk about the lies other people tell us, not the ones we tell ourselves. Or maybe it’s not so funny?
I can honestly say that I’ve been hurt more by the lies I’ve told myself than any lie I’ve ever been told by a man. Which is a hard thing for me to acknowledge. I like to think of myself as an honest person. And I am, as much as I can be.
Anyway, food for thought. And something for me to work on in the future. If and when I meet the next guy I like, I’m going to have to work a little harder at that truth thing. No more telling myself I can make it work if I just try harder. No more ignoring the obvious signs of dysfunction. No more letting things get really bad before I acknowledge that they’re not really good. No more pretending that I don’t care about things that I do care about. Instead I’ll just focus on the truth. Even when the truth is something I don’t want to hear.
Tags: liar, truth