Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Advice Worth Taking

I first read yesterday’s Guy’s Story when it was published on Jackie Summer’s blog, F*cking in Brooklyn.  I’ve been pondering ‘Mama’s Best Advice” ever since.

I’d say that, if I had to be honest, the 2 times I’ve been in love, I loved the guy more than he loved me.   It wasn’t something I realized at the time.  But looking back now, it’s pretty damn clear.  And that that’s probably why I got so completely squashed both times.  Because it just mattered so much more to me.  I had way more at stake. I was completely invested, heart and soul.  Willing to lose everything.

And then I did, lose everything.

I don’t know if I’ll ever fall in love again.  It’s not one of those things that a girl has much control over.  But if I do, I’m going to do my best to heed Mama’s advice and ‘NEVER give up the edge”.


11 to “Advice Worth Taking”

  1. KB_in_NYC says:

    ‘NEVER give up the edge’ – such great advice! Words to take to heart (literally).

  2. sfsingleguy says:

    You don’t have to be willing to lose everything, just to lose the other person, and some of the things they bring into your life on a daily basis. You still get to keep some of that when the relationship is over.

    It’s ok to love someone more than you love yourself, as long you only do that 50% of the time.

  3. jackie summers says:

    Simone, we’re singing the same tune. Gave it all, lost it all.

    I think Mom’s tactical approach doesn’t mean you love anyone less, but it DEFINITELY changes your approach to a perceived imbalance. Just do me a favor: remind me of this the NEXT time I fall… ,-)

  4. Simone Grant says:

    Isn’t it great? Now all I need to do is meet some wonderful man so that I can put that advice into practice.
    You bring up an excellent point. When I get really annoyed about the way my last relationship played out, I try to remember that I took some great things from that relationship. That I gained things. It tempers my anger.
    -jackie summers
    I think we need us a buddy system. Because honestly, I’ve been all too willing in the past to swallow my pride and get stomped all over. I’d so much rather learn to do things your mom’s way.

  5. Michelle-Ashley says:

    “NEVER give up the edge” is without fail, one of the best pieces of advice I can recall, with regards to love. However, with that said, it is also seems to be the most difficult piece advice to follow. Even though you are aware of how you should act and attempt to refrain from falling too hard, too fast, once you engage in a relationship, all rational goes out the window – you become overwhelmed by the love and affection that is being given to you. “NEVER give up the edge” is a lot easier said than done.

  6. Singletude says:

    This is the kind of thing that makes me really thankful to be single. It sounds like it must take quite a lot of effort to constantly monitor someone else’s feelings and adjust your reactions accordingly. Sounds stressful.

  7. Miss Alpha says:

    I have loved something fierce and been hurt something fierce and have much love for those who ache… but I don’t believe you lose anything by loving. Regardless of whether you love more or less or measure-for-measure, . You just become more capable of love and therefore more vulnerable to hurt.

    Having a big heart is like having a big house… it’s nice for house parties but then you have to clean. :)

  8. Felix Diamond says:

    Every relationship is peculiar, and so the things we learn from it. Putting your all in a relationship shows your sincerity and commitment. Sometimes you just can’t help it. You will be playing games if you keep edging back. But then each relationship helps you to protect yourself the more by the time you are going into the next one. Sometimes one can’t just help it.

  9. Simone Grant says:

    I agree. Much easier said than done.
    I don’t disagree. It is stressful. It seems like it would require a massive amount of self control. And truth be told, self control is not one of my strong suits.
    -Miss Alpha
    I try to have that attitude – that I haven’t lost anything by loving big. I try. But I feel like I have lost…although what I’m not sure.
    -Felix Diamond
    I agree, each relationship is peculiar. I’ve always stayed away from anything that felt like game playing, but I think this is something worth trying.

  10. charleney_2k says:

    I was in a relationship in college where I was head over heels for a guy and was absolutely crushed when he dumped me; it took me a long time to get over it. Unintentionally, I started to get into relationships where I was the object of affection– at first I was drawn to the excitement of a new relationship and their enamorment of me, feeling adored without the extra anxiety involved had I been more invested. While at first I would feel very comfortable and safe, I eventually became bored and detached, and wasted far too much time on guys I honestly wasn’t that into before finally realizing my pattern. I now am 39, still single–I feel like I DESERVE someone I’m crazy about, and “fighting to keep the edge” again might make me miss out on something great. I totally advocate keeping your independence in a relationship and always paying attention to red flags and thinking about your own welfare first. But as long as you are strong enough in yourself to know that you will be okay no matter what the outcome, I say, jump in with your whole heart and soul! Thanks so much for your posts, Simone. Love your blog!

  11. Simone Grant says:

    Welcome and thanks so much for your comment. I feel similarly. I can’t imagine being in a relationship, honestly, with someone I wasn’t crazy about. And seeing people who settle for relationships that last that zing – well, I know I couldn’t do it even if it makes them happy.