Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

More Fun with Audience Participation

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I feel like I’m ready to return to dating again.  So now what?

Well, step one is for me to unhide my online profile(s).  I’ll probably activate my profiles on nerve and .  I took a few minutes (really, just a few) last night to browse new members and there seem to be lots of new guys on each.

Which is great.  Lots of new guys means lots of new choices.  I like choices.

But here’s the thing.  I’ve been making some pretty awful choices lately.  I still can’t believe I responded to M and got pulled back into his drama. So maybe you guys, all of you (or any of you who want to chime in) can help me out.

Here’s what I’m thinking.  If anyone out there wanted to take 4 or 5 minutes to check out the guys on nerve or OkCupid (btw, have you voted in the Best Online Profile Contest yet?) and then recommend a guy or 2 or 3 to me, I’d think that was pretty awesome.  I can’t promise to like all of your suggestions, but I promise to be open to them, and probably even ponder them publicly here on the blog.

Here’s my most basic criteria.  My MUST HAVES.  I think it’s a small list.

  • Between my age (39) and 51ish.  I will go a bit lower, but really don’t feel comfortable with the idea of dating younger guys.
  • Lives in NYC.  Boroughs are fine.  Hoboken/Jersey City is fine.  Anything I can get to via public transportation in under 30 minutes is a maybe.  I don’t date guys who live out in the burbs.
  • All the normal good stuff:  smart, funny, attractive  – all of which is pretty subjective.
  • I don’t care much about height, but anyone taller than 6’1″ is probably too tall.
  • Actually interested in a relationship/more than just something casual.
  • Not desperate to get married and breed.

Please leave any and all suggestions here in the comments section.  Yes, I’m serious about this.  I actually think this is a great idea.  I’m asking for help from my friends.   One of you might see something in a guy’s profile that I completely overlook.

Besides, what’s the worse that can happen?  I end up communicating with a few more guys who aren’t “right” for me.  No biggie.

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16 to “More Fun with Audience Participation”

  1. lucky gal says:

    brilliant. ask and you shall receive. i love this and am absolutely going to send you some suggestions! and i’ll take the ones that are over 6’1″, cuz i LOVE them tall :-)
    stay tuned…

  2. lucky gal says:

    this guy seems interesting, and is kevin-costner-cute, if you like that type:

    if his passion for sex is as good as it appears to be for food, maybe this guy will be interesting:

    this guy says very little, but he looks like he could be cute and there’s some intrigue in the charity work and time abroad. the inheritance reference, not so much:

    i don’t know why i like this guy. maybe it’st just that he makes that coffee look delicious…

    geek love:

    I’m going to quit while I’m ahead here, since i’m not sure of your type. lemme know if any of these strike your fancy and when i have a better idea, i’ll keep them coming. and seriously. send me the ones over 6’1″ :-)

  3. Tahoe Bill says:

    LOL, what the hell just happened? Weren’t you telling us yesterday how thankful you were to be single? And now you are ready to throw it all away and jump into a relationship? *head spinning*

    But ya, that’s a pretty small list.

    Good luck, looking forward to reading more adventures!

  4. Anonymous says:

    After perusing one site for over an hour,I saw two guys that Intrigued me.I mailed them,and I received no response,If this is any indication of my online dating experience,I am in big trouble!

    I included in my prerequisites,no drugs,no smoking,no prejudice idiots,and no homophobes!

  5. TheB0y says:

    I’ll try and play, too. I bet those guys are wondering why a dude is checking out their profiles. And I probably won’t have the proper eye for checking out the guys pictures. (But I did skip any guy that had a shirtless pic of himself) seemed interesting, I liked the last line of his profile, might have a good sense of humor.

    He’s listed as in NY, but says he’s in LA. Not sure what the deal is but he seems decent

    Except for the spelling error in Kiefer Sutherland’s name, I liked his profile (OkCupid says he and I are a 82% match. Hmmm):

  6. dazediva says:

    Just for you Simone I’ve become a member of OKCupid and have some random man sending me messages about being ‘inclined towards me ‘rock hard’ ! hahahhaha oh and now I’m a ‘bitch’ for not being interested and showing ‘suburban attitude’ ! OMG .. its these type of Indian men who give Indian guys a bad name ! …

    Moving on … Here’s some profiles I thought would be nice for you :
    the profile pic is quirky and shows he’s got a sense of adventure which I like in a guy .. and since you find nice guys sexy – this ought to be good :)
    he’s really cute ! and has variety of interests

    Go for it and lemme know your thoughts !

    he likes to walk around the city and discover new things .. singer, writer, guitar player .. sounds cute and has a sense of humour

  7. pups4me says:

    I hope you’ll let us know if any of the suggestions are guys you’ve already met prior to this…and if they are anything at all like their profiles make them out to be.
    This could be really fun…great idea and good luck!

  8. Simone Grant says:

    Hehehe. FIrst, thanks for all of the excellent suggestions. I don’t have too much time to review the guys this weekend, but I looked at them all and can tell you that – tada – I’ve already gone out with one of them. It was a pretty crappy date. I wrote about it at the time but don’t feel comfortable digging up that post (that seems like I’d be crossing a line).

    Interesting how so many of these guys are so much alike… Now sure what that means.

    -Tahoe Bill
    I’m not throwing anything away. I’m happy with my life AND interested in meeting someone. I don’t see the two things as being in opposition. I’m not desperate to meet someone and not rushing into a relationship. But I’m interested in dating and think it might be nice to meet someone. Either way, I’m good.
    Sorry you had such a negative experience. I can’t imagine looking at a site for over an hour and not seeing anyone I found appropriate.

  9. Tahoe Bill says:

    Hi Simone,

    Being single and being in a relationship do sound like opposites to me, but that might be largely due to how I’ve handled things in my own life. (i.e. get in a relationship and drop all my friends, for ex.) It seems like we have a plan for our lives when single, but that we tend to just throw away that plan when we fall for someone. It’s not so much a matter of rushing in or not, it’s that we suddenly choose to be on a different path altogether. And if that’s really what we wanted, why weren’t we already on that path?

    I also think that the dating pool and the relationship pool are two different things. There may be some overlap, but a lot of confusion and frustration comes from not making that distinction.

  10. Simone Grant says:

    -Tahoe Bill
    My views on dating and relationships are very different than yours. I’m not looking for someone to change my life. Or to reroute it. I’ve got a life, thank you very much. But a guy who was a good compliment to my life, a positive addition – that’s something I’d be interested in.

    I’m not sure about the dating and relationship pools being two different things. In some ways, I’m sure they are. But then, I know I’ve moved from one to the other many times in the last couple of decades and I’d imagine I’m not all that special or uncommon in this. Seems a bit like labeling like labeling’s sake.

  11. Simone Grant says:

    -lucky gal
    I just finished going though your suggestions and – I’ve already gone out with one of the guys (won’t say who or reference the specific post, that would be too icky/mean) and it was NOT good. Besides the fact that his pics are OLD he’s just kind of a jerk. However, I am very fond of one of your selections and am planning on sending him a hello just as soon as I put my new profile up.

  12. Tahoe Bill says:

    Ya, our views are different Simone, but that makes for more interesting conversation, eh? I appreciate you engaging with me, thanks.

    I just read another blog that was encouraging single women to make room in their life for a relationship. I think that’s what’s puzzling me here as well. Can you be single and in a relationship at the same time?

    Maybe that’s the key to the distinction I was trying to make with the comment about dating vs. relationship pool. Some guys are probably better suited to “just dating”, while others would be more inclined to “settle down” into a relationship. I think there’s a general expectation that we evolve from dating into a relationship, but I wonder what would happen if we viewed dating and relationships as two different, separate, independent things–rather than as a natural progression or a foregone conclusion.

    Sorry if I’m getting a little off topic here. I got lots of thoughts on profiles & online dating too, lol.

  13. Nikki Yeager says:

    OK, so I’m trying the internet dating thing too and I have to say- asking on your blog for suggestions is GENIUS! I’ve been all over the place on good and bad dates with no realistic prospects yet.

    If I had suggestions I’d share them, but unfortunately I’m looking too lol. But, I love your blog and I think I might steal your idea for mine ( if you don’t mind. Will let you know how it goes if you keep us posted on your progress too :)

  14. Chloe's Shoes says:

    Umm…if you’re so committed to protecting the anonymity of your dates, then why did you make it a point to narrow down the list of suspects to the ones LG suggested? Kind of immature and bitchy, Simone.

    FYI…I know one of the men LG suggested as well as a couple more that other’s pointed out. I’ll be contacting them and pointing them to your blog so they can prepare for the inevitable crucifying they’ll get if they don’t meet your standards.

  15. Simone Grant says:

    -Nikki Yeager
    Welcome -Good luck with your search and your blog. I don’t know how genius this idea is? It’s an idea. And just like just about everything I do, it pissed at least one person off..
    -Chloe’s shoes
    Oh please, give me a break. I could link to the post detailing exactly what happened on our bad date (and to his personal blog, for that matter). I didn’t “make it a point to narrow down the list of suspects”. I addressed LG personally in the comments, just as I’m addressing you now. Anyway, go ahead and give those guys the heads up. It can only be a good thing, as far as I’m concerned – especially if you happen to know the one I went out with. Then, maybe, he’ll update his pics (seriously, they were at least 5 years old).