Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Pretty Please With Sugar On Top

Recently, did a post/poll called What Would Get You To Take Your Ex Back?  I found it interesting for all of the obvious reasons.  Here were the options they gave readers to vote for:

  • The way back to my heart is through my stomach. Candies, wining and dining, a special home-cooked meal, etc. Yep, that does the trick.
  • Candy is nice, but I’m into jewelry and fancy cars. You think Kim from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” takes Big Poppa back for less?
  • It’s hard to admit when I’m wrong. If he wants to talk it out, I know he cares and that’s the only reason to stay together.
  • I’m in it for the make-up sex. If he says sorry and flashes those puppy dog eyes, that’s good enough for me!
  • Nothing. If I take him back, I’m lying down and giving up when I just need to move on.
  • He has to do something super romantic, something so brag-worthy that Jennifer Aniston would want to star in the movie version of our love story.

And then this week they posted the results.  They were a bit, um, disturbing (on their list of things that work – #6. Get way hotter. Shallow? Yes. Effective? Yes.).   Maybe it’s just that I’m too old for this particular mag?  Quite possibly.

Anyway, it’s a topic I’ve been giving a lot of thought to (for all of those obvious reasons).  Once something is over, and you’ve decided it’s over because the person is not treating you well, or they have characteristics you can’t live with in a partner, why would you take them back? How could any gesture be grand enough?  Any talk be honest and heartfelt enough?  Isn’t this whole topic just a little bit masochistic?

Or maybe I need to get in touch with my inner romantic and (re)learn to believe in love and stuff?


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9 to “Pretty Please With Sugar On Top”


  1. AGirlNamedMe says:

    These sound like (mostly) superficial reasons to get back together. If it was a real relationship, it’s going to take real work to put things back together again. Why did things end and what is going to happen to make sure those things don’t happen again.

    In the end, it comes down to love – but you’ve been oh-so-right in the past when you’ve said that there has to be more than love. And that’s what needs to be discussed. If it’s a real relationship, that is.

  2. Jackie summers says:

    I’ve done the ‘incredibly-over-the-top’ romantic gesture in ways that would put any chick flick to shame. It got my woman back, for all of six months. It didn’t solve what was broken about the relationship, and losing her a second time was even more crushing than the first.

  3. That Kind of Girl says:

    The article certainly does seem like a superficial treatment of the topic. Although, to their credit, they did point out that if the relationship was bad, it can’t be salvaged through these means — these suggestions are only for broken-up couples who still love each other, like those who had to part because it was the wrong point in their lives. (A feeling to which, more and more these days, I can entirely relate.)

  4. iamalejandra says:

    I am almost positive that there is nothing in the world that an ex could do for me to go back to them. And I kinda like it that way.
    Well, except for the OBVIOUS, that’s if he shows a completely 180degree change in personality and improvements on the issues that had happened. But I’m talking about extreme radical change, the kind of change that people never are able to commit to (even me).

  5. nando's blog says:

    Simone, I totally agree with you. You know, it didn’t work out the 1st time–2nd time, probably won’t either. True, people can change–but why take the chance?

  6. Dating Advice for Women says:

    This has happened to me before. I lost a guy, then got him back by basically begging, only to lose him a second time and feel even lower than before. My advice is to do your best to forget him

  7. LittleMissAngry says:

    agree with that kind of girl. the article is superficial. though the brag-worthy bit made me laugh.

    i’ve gotten back with an ex but after many years, because some circumstances had changed between us. there was no begging or grand gesture of any kind involved. we just kinda re-kindled what was lost. we’ve broken up since, due to some geographical issues mainly, but the 2nd time around, it was way more mature and fulfilling than the 1st. almost as if we’d learnt some valuable lessons on how we treated each other the 1st time and wanted to make up for it. one of my best relationships to date.

    so, no i don’t think you can single it out to being masochistic.

  8. Simone Grant says:

    -AGirlNamedMe,
    Isn’t that a bitch? It comes down to love, but love isn’t enough. It really is a wonder people make these relationship things work out.
    -Jackie summers
    I’d like to hear more about these over the top romantic gestures (been reading your blog and haven’t hit that story yet). I’d imagine you’d really go for it.
    -That Kind of Girl
    Timing – ARGH! I think that what keeps me in my current state of constant indecision. I completely believe that the timing has to be right, and maybe it was just the timing…
    -iamalejandra
    I admire your certainty.
    -nando’s blog
    Yep. And don’t even get me started about 3rds and 4ths…
    -Dating Advice for Women
    I can’t imagine how empty that must have felt. I’m sorry. I’m trying hard to move on.
    -LittleMissAngry
    That sounds nice. Mature and realistic. Thank you for sharing that.

  9. Michelle-Ashley says:

    It’s sad to say, but unfortunately I’m part of the “Take Your Ex Back” club as well. While making that mistake a few times has landed me in a few good crying sessions and regrets immediately after the break up, I will admit that after looking back on everything now, I am glad I made those mistakes. Personally, I take every piece of dating experience as a learning experience. Yes, it would have been nice to not get tissue burn on the end of my nose and on my cheeks because of all my crying, but at the same time, I also acquired lifelong knowledge. Personally, I disagree with The Frisk and voters regarding the reason to get back together with your ex. My philosophy is that your best thought comes first – if you decided that breaking up was the best thing to do in the past, it is very likely that that thought still applies to the present. While I don’t have a problem with being friends with my ex (in most cases), I think that should be the extent of the relationship – ex’s should remain ex’s.