Several times, in the last few weeks, I’ve been asked if I’ve ever dated a married man/if I’d be willing to write about that topic. It’s something I’ve shied away from in the past because I didn’t want to cause a stir or offend anyone (seriously). But since I’ve been repeatedly asked, here goes:
I have never, to my knowledge, dated or had any kind of relationship with a married guy. I say, to my knowledge because (some) people lie. And I’m sure there has been at least one guy in my past who told me he was divorced or single when in reality he was married. I had a several month relationship, a few years ago, with a guy who was legally separated but still living with his ex and he lied when we first met, telling me he was divorced.
This is how I choose to live my life. It works for me. However, I don’t judge people who choose to live their lives differently. In other words, I refuse to condemn the other women/other men.
But wait, let me backtrack. I want to explain why I don’t date married guys: I don’t want the DRAMA. There’s no way around it. You date a married guy and there’s going to be drama. It’s part of the deal. And despite what some people might imagine, I am really quite averse to drama and prefer to have as little of it in my life as possible.
Additionally, I’ve seen enough to know that the happily ever after, where he leaves the wife that “he stopped loving years ago” pretty much never happens. And sadly, I’ve seen a couple of pretty awesome women waste years of their lives on that lie. The moralists among you will say, serves them right. Others will say, they should’ve known better. I’m not a moralist nor am I a big fan of pointing fingers. I just look at them and think that it’s sad that they fell for the wrong guy and let themselves believe that lie for so damn long. And, as a woman who’s been known to hold onto the wrong guys for the wrong reasons for way too long, I feel for them.
I also know, from experience, that a lot of times (I don’t have any stats, just anecdotal evidence) people who have affairs are unhappy. Unhappy with their lives, their marriages – something. And they are seeking happiness in an affair. Call me crazy, but I’d rather not get involved with someone who is unhappy with their life and seeking happiness in a fling with me.
Anyway, those are my reasons. For me. But I refuse to condemn people who cross that line. If someone is going to have an affair, they’re going to have an affair. I think they’re a liar if they go ahead and do it while their spouse believes their union is monogamous. And I hate lying. But I refuse to condemn the person they have an affair with. I don’t see the logic in that.
Tags: married men