Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

That’s So Hot. (A List of What is and What isn’t Sexy)

So I was out last night at a little tweetup, having fun, when all of a sudden it hit me – wow, our group was made up of a lot of pretty damn sexy individuals.  Now I’m not saying this just to fluff a bunch of egos.  Not at all.  It’s just what I was thinking at the time.  That a heck of a lot of the assembled folks (men and women, and btw, men were in the majority) were sexy.  At least, in my eyes.

So once my brain went there, it went to the next most logical place.  Why did I think that?  What is sexy, after all?  And is it the same for men and women?  Hmm. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that some of these things apply to what guys find sexy, but not all. And that the average guy’s list would have a bit more emphasis on visuals.

Anyway, here’s my list.  My That’s So list.  It’s really just a tip of the iceberg. What came to mind today. No where near comprehensive.  For what it’s worth:

  1. A big, easy-going, natural smile. – A natural (not cheesy, salesman-like) smile tells me a guy is probably friendly and happy and maybe even well-adjusted.  Or at the very least pleasantly drunk and in a good mood.  If I walk in to a room full of virtual strangers, I’m going to look for a smiling guy, walk right up to him and start talking.  Sourpusses, scowlers and men who have perfected the bad boy glare can all go stand in the corner by themselves and look cool.
  2. Taking care of yourself/not being horribly out of shape – Last night’s group ranged from mid twenties to early fifties, with a healthy chunk of us wedged dead in the middle.  None of the men present looked like they spent too much time in the gym, but they all looked they were aware of time’s passing and worked to stay in shape. For the record, I think a 40 yr old guy with a busy life and a little extra padding is hotter than one who gets up at 4am every morning to go to the gym so that he never gains a pound.
  3. Smart as hell with lots of interesting things on the top of your tongue –  I was trying to circulate last night, and while I did I overheard so many different, interesting conversations.  I kind of wanted to stop and join all of them.  And, btw, no one was namedropping, gossiping or talking about the latest tabloid scandal.  That shit is so not hot.
  4. Chutzpah (Sorry, I’m in a very NYC state of mind today) – I could have said confidence, sure.  But it’s more than that.  Balls. Cojones. Audacity.  No, I mean chutzpah.  In a good way.  This is very different than arrogant, but please don’t ask me to explain it to you.
  5. Kindness – You might think this goes with the smile, but it’s more than that.  Like most gatherings, people arrived over the course of several hours.  At one point in the evening, our little corner of the bar was packed and every seat was taken.  Three different men were hopping up and offereing to go fetch additional seats because there was a a woman who was standing in a bending/awkward position to join a group that was talking.  None of them knew her and none of them were a part of that conversation.  AND, none of them wanted anything from it (hit on her afterwards).  They’re all just really kind, decent men who didn’t want to see anyone uncomfortable, even for a moment.  SO HOT!

So, ladies, what did I miss? If you were writing this list, what would be on it? And guys, what about you? What would be on your “So Hot” short list?


10 to “That’s So Hot. (A List of What is and What isn’t Sexy)”

  1. Erin A. says:

    6. a big laugh that gets a lot of use
    7. aptitude in math (far from a dealbreaker, but hot all the same)
    8. stubble
    9. jokes that reference historical figures
    10. has conversations with strangers

    These sure aren’t dealbreakers, but they are total turn-ons for me!

  2. toywithme says:

    Con-fi-dence!! (I’m feeling the whole Chutzpah thing too) I find confidence one of the sexiest things for me. Not cocky or egotistical, that shit don’t fly with me. Someone who is self aware and assured, turns me on. If you are comfortable in your own skin then we should chat.

    Second – humor/wit. Either you have it or you don’t.

    #5 – I hope you were collecting phone #’s from this bunch!!

  3. URwingman says:

    I like this list. Keep it going!

  4. PMFoutofwater says:

    Not so hard to please, are you, really? Nice post Simone.

  5. Quirkyeconomist says:

    NAILED it! Along with the smile, I’d add laughter, or making others laugh – nothing is sexier to me than a guy who can make me laugh.

  6. snowman expert says:

    How many of these do you have to have to be sexy? I have my work cut out for me.

  7. dazediva says:

    Another fab post … I have to go with Erin and agree that a stubble is just super sexy !

    A guy who smells good … so good that I want to keep my nose buried in his neck 😉 but damn haven’t you noticed there are some guys who make your head turn (in a good way) when they walk past if they smell good ?

    Someone who loves animals – at least you can be assured they are capable of taking care of another living creature.

    And the biggest turn on for me – a guy who can Dance ! if the man knows his moves – I will be the first to go up to dance with him even if he isn’t my ‘type’

  8. Dating is My Hobby says:

    I definitely agree with all the aformentioned characteristics. I’m also attrached to

    -a little facial hair (5 o clock shadow)
    -a great sense of humor
    -personal comfort with themselves

  9. Onely says:

    Kind to animals. The sexy person doesn’t have to nuzzle tarantulas (which *are* in fact cute and fuzzy), but he/she should definitely see the value in all living creatures (except mosquitos).

    Also, I couldn’t agree more that a slightly out-of-shape guy with a real life is sooo much more attractive than a super-cut guy. I look at those bulging biceps and think, “I bet those weren’t books you were lifting. . .”


  10. dmfontana says:

    this was a great list and great reader comments… made think what is the 5 ‘thats so hot’ list for woman…