Fun fact: I’ve dated, not one, but two men with active stalkers.
Now, before I get too deeply into this, let me give my standard aside/backpedal. There are hundreds, probably thousands of perfectly normal, decent people with stalkers. Stalkers are emotionally imbalanced people. People with stalkers are victims.
That said, I’ve come to believe that in each case I should have seen the stalker as a warning sign. A big fat, “this guy is no good so please run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit”.
Looking back, the most disturbing thing was how each of them talked about the situation. The stalker was a women they’d dated and then broke things off with. The details shifted with each telling of the story (neither were all that good with that truth thing). And she didn’t take it well and didn’t want to go away quietly. And…
And they, each, were dismissive and cavalier. I was told I was foolish to care about the phone ringing nonstop at 4am. That she would get bored and go away soon.
And in the first case when she started to make personal appearances in the middle of the night and things got more complicated (forcing our relationship to change, because I no longer went to his apartment, for fear that she would track me back to mine) I started to realize that his shifting version of the truth was something more than a little issue. That maybe there were big things he wasn’t telling me about the situation. And then I started to get scared, because it occured to me that I’d been sleeping with a man that I really didn’t trust at all.
Anyway, like I said. I know that your average person with a stalker is not a bad person. Is a victim. But in my case. I dated 2 guys who were 1) Rather casual with the truth – in general. 2) Completely self-involved/uncaring about anyone’s feelings but their own. 3) Admitted to me that they knew the chick they were dating was crazy while they were dating, but did not break things off just because she was nuts, but instead waited until they were bored with her or some other reason.
And I didn’t run the second I found this shit out. WTF?
It’s cool, though. I will the next time.
Tags: crazy, exes, liar