Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I Don’t Know What to Call this Post

So, my regular readers have ‘heard’ me mention my .  He’s someone I’ve known for a few years now.  He’s never been anything but a .  We met at a time when I wasn’t in the slightest bit interested in a relationship (I was working 60+ hours a week and blah blah blah, I didn’t have any space in my life) and he was – don’t be shocked – in an .

We don’t see each other often (and in case you were wondering, there have been long stretches when we haven’t seen each other at all, when I’ve been in monogamous relationships), he’s not around/available much nowadays because of his work.  But when our schedules line up and we get to steal an hour together it’s always a very good thing.  We are very sexually compatible in terms of what gets us off and we get along well as people.

We’d been exchanging messages for the past few days, trying to coordinate schedules and miraculously found a window of opportunity yesterday afternoon (one of the many good things about our situation is that his office is a few blocks from my apartment).  I’ll leave out the details as I now know IRL so many readers of this blog and would like to be able to look you all in the face again but suffice it to say I am significantly less stressed out and in a much better mood than I’ve been in for a while.  And for some random reason I can’t stop eating.  It’s like I gave myself permission to indulge and now I can’t stop.

Anyway, as I said, me and the fb actually get along quite well.  If we met at a party as friends of friends we’d probably hit it off and end up hanging out and chatting for hours (but not dating, and no, I’m not going to go into the why on that).  After we were done playing he asked about my current dating situation.  He knows about the blog, but doesn’t read it. I told him the gist of things and he said something about not being able to understand why I can’t find someone steady in my life.  And I repeated my frequent line about having horrible taste in men.  To which he feigned insult until I pointed out that he didn’t count as a man in that context, he was just a fuckbuddy.

And then, later on, I told him that M had popped up again.  He knows the story on that and I made a joke at my own expense about being slow to learn my lesson.  Followed up with an obligatory comment about how this was really the end.  And then he said, “but you love him”.  As if that meant something.  As if love could somehow make a relationship work or change a person.

And then he showered and left to go back to his office.  And I showered and went back to work.


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12 to “I Don’t Know What to Call this Post”


  1. Boopidy says:

    Do you ever wonder why it is so easy to tell everything to a “f.b.”? I had one of those in the past – he is now one of my best friends. I hope one day to find a love that I can talk that openly with.

  2. Singlutionary says:

    I wish it were this easy for me to have a fuck buddy. If it where, I would have 20 of them.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Is it strange that I wish my wife could be my fb so it would be easier to talk to her?

  4. Anonymous says:

    If he’s that close in proximity to you and still has trouble finding time to get together it’s quite likely he has a girlfriend and not just a busy schedule. Be careful and be safe.

  5. Simone Grant says:

    -Boopidy
    First, welcome to the blog. I have no idea why. For me, I know, I can’t invite someone into my life as a long-term fb unless we click as friends on some level. And I guess I haven’t always help lovers up to the same standard. Bizarre.
    -Singlutionary
    Oh honey, you could. It just takes a bit of effort – shopping …
    -Anon#1
    I am SO not the right person to comment on that :-)
    -Anon #2
    I appreciate your concern but, um, read the first paragraph. He does have a gf. One I’ve always known about. He doesn’t do monogamy. I’m just “extra”. Which is cool with me. And I’m ALWAYS careful and safe. Thx.

  6. LPS says:

    Haha! Good stuff on indulging…everywhere! I think he meant the “but you love him” as in it’s not the end of the stories (I’m not insinuating you guys will try to patch things up) thus FB knows he”ll be hearing more of M? It could just be that. He might not have been suggesting that love is the answer to mend all woes between two people…but I know what you mean. It’s a presumptious remark that “but you love him” – “Yes, I do. AND? Where has it got me? It’s really the end this time.” “Ahhh…but you love him.” lol!

  7. Illona says:

    I have a lot of friends in the poly community where open relationships are the norm. Most open couples set terms like partners aren’t to engage in a sexual relationship with the same person more than X times or for X long. I’m sure you can handle yourself, SG, but I would be careful as well. I could be wrong but all signs point to your FB being a man who cheats on his wife or girlfriend. If he’s cheating with you he’s cheating with others.

  8. Serial_dater says:

    The reason I could never have a fb is that i’m very primitive and tend to overindulge. I know that at some point I will start trying to turn a fb into a bf even if a fb is not a bf material.. Unavailability makes it even more interesting, ahh the good old heat of the chase.. In saying that I always envy people who have fb’s, to me its a sign of emotional maturity and ability to separate what’s real and what’s in their heads.. Maybe one day…

  9. You Make My Date says:

    Loving someone doesn’t save a doomed relationship. I’d know – my mum tried for 13 years, but her marriage still failed. Because my dad was a jerk.

    Relationships need to work both ways, and just because one person loves the other doesn’t mean that they’re compatible to be together. Scarily enough, even if they BOTH love each other, doesn’t mean it will necessarily work out.

    Hope you’re feeling better about the whole M thing (even though my rant probably didn’t help much)!

  10. ssharnof says:

    Awesome post. <3

  11. Simone Grant says:

    -LPS
    Yes. I am a big fan of indulging. Life is too short for restraint. I don’t know that he meant much of anything, but you’re right in that it might have been “the story isn’t over yet”.
    -Illona
    I’d be shocked if I were the only person he sees on the side. But who knows? I don’t really care. Thank you, though. I’m always careful!
    -Serial_dater
    I realize that I have certain personality characteristics that make it possible for me to have a long-term fb w/o wanting more from him and that this puts me in the minority. I am very good at compartmentalizing and don’t ever get jealous or possessive (I’ve had long-term open relationships, so this has been put to the test). I wouldn’t be jealous, though. We’re all very different and maybe these traits are what makes it hard for me to settle into a good relationship?
    -You Make My Date
    Thanks so much. I don’t think anything anyone says or does is going to help me “feel better” about that situation any sooner or later. It’s just going to take time. I opened myself up, AGAIN, to someone who has a history of hurting me. Knowing that he’d likely do it again. And he did. And now I just have to process that all out.
    -ssharnof
    Thanks so much. And btw, I love your avatar.

  12. Single Gal in Toronto says:

    Simone, why the sheepish tone to this post? So you have a fuck buddy – we should all be so lucky!

    I’ve been looking for one, actually. I’ve gone online on the “Intimate Encounters” section of Lavalife and found a few guys that were not bad looking and decent company, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.

    Thanks for giving me an idea for a future blog post… my search for a fuck buddy!