Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Give Peace a Chance

I’ve been totally loving a series that Sirens Magazine is doing called Peace Talks: Single-Married Relations. LOVING it. I love the no-nonsense, no-drama approach they took.

Of course, this is an issue that I find particularly compelling because it’s kind of a taboo, in it’s own special way.  My closest friends are mostly married, or have been married.  Many are divorced (for a long while now, and some more than once) or are in the midst of working their ways through divorces, separations or serious marital troubles.  That’s all to be expected.  I mean, I’m 39.  Demographically speaking, as a , never-married woman, I’m in the minority of people around my age and I’m cool with that.  And statisticaly speaking, lots of people have troubled marriages and/or get divorced.

Among my closest friends, we worked these issues out years ago.  But this is a small, select group of people.  They know it’s cool to ask me about my dating life.  But they also know that my happiness doesn’t depend on how that’s going, so our conversations don’t revolve around my relationships with men.

On the other hand, when I need to talk about something that’s going on with a guy (or need to run away from home/my life, as I needed to do a couple of years ago) they’re there with a shoulder to cry on or a guestroom to stay in for as long as I need it.  Same as I am for them and their life’s troubles.  Whatever they are.

Amongst strangers, casual acquaintances and folks here in the blogosphere things seem so much harder.  It’s pretty much impossible for me to talk about being single and being OK with it without a married person or two taking umbrage.  And when I point out that I’d rather not be asked, “why are you still single?”, well…  And god forbid I point out that I know a couple of women (because I do) who married for reasons other than love.

I adore my married friends.  They know I do.  The 2 people I’m closest to in the world have each been happily married for over a decade.  I respect the choices they made and I’m pretty sure that they respect the choices I’ve made.

Choices, we all made them.

Anyway, it’s a great series so far.  I highly recommend it.


3 to “Give Peace a Chance”

  1. Matt D says:

    I think it’s awesome that you’re able to realize that happiness doesn’t come from latching yourself on to somebody else. Another person can enhance your happiness, but dear Lord don’t look to them to be the foundation of it! I’m just gonna throw it out there: our divorce rate would be a lot lower if people would get over the marriage/relationship bug and look at what really matters. Cheers to you!
    (Note: It’s not that I’m not a fan of committed relationships–I am! It’s just that they aren’t for everyone, all the time, and it’s silly to force yourself into one if it’s the wrong person. Man, I love this blog!)

  2. Simone Grant says:

    Thank you Matt D. I appreciate the compliment and I couldn’t agree with you more. I find it really frustrating that people see these things as battle calls. Really, really frustrating. Be well.

  3. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    Ah, “matrimaniacs,” as singles researcher Bella DePaulo calls them! It’s easy for them to show their ugly side under the cloak of anonymity that the Internet provides. Also, since they don’t actually know you, they don’t have the benefit of seeing for themselves how satisfied you are with your life. I’m fairly sure that some of my own coupled friends are changing their minds about singleness as a lifestyle choice due to their firsthand experience with me. Without that, I think at least some of them would be as matrimaniacal as anyone else! Sometimes I’m tempted to answer these people with a sarcastic rejoinder or cliche, but, when possible, I try to use the opportunity to raise their consciousness a few degrees. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But then, you never really know what kind of food for thought someone might take home from a conversation!