As I’m sure I’ve mentioned, I do actually have friends who are in happy, healthy, relaitonships – married and otherwise. Not too long ago I got a call from one of them. My friend was uber-stressed out about some issues at home and wanted to vent (married 10ish years, I think, I can never remember stuff like that).
I tend to hear a lot of this kind of thing. Most of my friends think of me as a good listener. I listen to everything, all the gory details, and try my hardest not to judge or take sides (I said try, it isn’t always easy). And I do what I can to be supportive. My feeling is that people usually already know what’s wrong, or what they should do. They just need to talk it out.
Anyway, I was listening to what’s been going on with this couple that I’ve known for over a decade and it occured to me that even though their relationship is for the most part strong, they’ve been having problems for a while. And that they haven’t said anything to each other about it. They’ve fought. About little things. But they haven’t talked. Not about the big stuff. Not about the problems.
And then it hit me that I’ve done the same thing every time I’ve been in a serious relationship. I’ve talked to my friends about what was bothering me, hurting me. But I didn’t tell the guy until, frankly, it was pretty much too late.
Not that it’s too late for my friends. No. They have a long history together and I’m sure they’ll eventually talk and figure it out. But with me and my LTRs, the guy is always the last to know when I’m at the end of my rope. And then, well, I’m at the end of my rope and ready to let go.
Plus I have a nasty temper so when I do, indeed, reach the end of my rope I lose my temper and that’s bad.
I’m not sure if or when I’m going to ever meet someone who I might want to get serious with again. But if I do, I want to remember this. And try to remember that if there’s something bothering me I need to tell him sooner, rather than later. Because the person you’re mad at probably shouldn’t be the last to know. Probably.
Tags: fight, LTR, married