Etiquette in the Digital Age – The Poll
So many of you told me (here, on Twitter, via email…) that Monday’s post, Etiquette in the Digital Age, should have been a poll that I felt I had no choice but to go with it. Sorry if this seems like rehashing the same thing, over and over. But it will be interesting to see exactly where the numbers fall.
The question is: Do you think it’s appropriate for a man to ask a woman out via text?
- I’m a guy, and I think texting is fine. (27 votes)
- I’m a guy, and I think a call is better. (20 votes)
- I’m a guy, and I think a call is better for the first date. But afterwards texting is fine. (30 votes)
- I’m a woman, and I think texting is fine. (32 votes)
- I’m a woman, and I think a call is better. (41 votes)
- I’m a woman, and I think a call is better for the first date. But afterwards texting fine. (66 votes)
- Other. Please explain in the comments. (7 votes)
Tags: dating, nerve.com, texts
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It seems that the digital age has reduced the level and quality of communications between men and women. While elements of chivalry might seem archaic, respect and effort never go out of style.
If you are asking someone out on a date, call them. If you’re willing to spend an hour or more with them in person, a 5 minute phone call shouldn’t be an issue.
Proper uses of texting in regards to dates:
1) You’ve called a few days in advance of the date, she said yes. Sending a text the day of the date to confirm that the date is still on is acceptable.
2) You’re running late (never a good thing, and it should be avoided at all costs) – but it’s better to let your date know that you’re running late.
3) If once you’ve established that there will in fact be a date (via phone, of course), I can understand texting back and forth if you two are deciding on a place. Then again, as the guy, of course you made the initial effort to pick a place and time that would be convenient and enjoyable for the woman. Right? (If you didn’t, get your ass on Yelp or call a friend — but grow a pair and plan a proper date!)
I absolutely agree with Ross! Texting should be left for your buddies and not your girl/boy. In case of running late, as Ross mentioned, texting is fine. However, it should always be on a ‘need to know’ basis. Confirm plans, running late, quick bits of info… not planning a date or asking someone out, especially a first date. One should remember that manning or womening up and asking someone out is the best first step to take.
Well here is my opinion and it all comes down to one word
asynchronous
Everyone loves Emails, Twitter etc, cos we are all usually pretty busy. So when I am free, I can reply to your messages.
I see text messages exactly the same. I’d rather say, “Hi, etc, ” then maybe say you free for a chat later? Than ring up, and they say “Sorry really busy, gtg” “or they are really busy and just turn off the phone to the unknown number.
I think a mixture is what you need, a little ice breaking text/ email, then a phone call to verify their sex! and if you get on, kind of like a speed date.
Then move onto the real date or excuses because you didn’t click.
I’m a guy, and I think, if you don’t have the balls to ask her in person, face to face. Then you don’t deserve to go on a date. After the 1st date, anythings goes. So my vote is no. Men should not try and get a first date via text or phone calls.
I think too much emphasis is being place on the medium. I’m not interested in phone pals, txt pals, or pen pals, but I don’t mind using any of these methods to make plans to get together. Do whatever is most convenient and most comfortable for both.
My first thought in reading your original post, and this poll, is that I wonder where email fits in. Since a lot of my first dates in the last few years have been with guys I met online, I think almost all of them have been made via email. I’m not sure I see why is texting any different, though presumably if someone texts you, they HAVE your number (and someone I met online would not). This is the sort of discussion that makes me feel really sorry for guys – similar to picking up the check, what might be fine for one woman could totally offend another.
QE-good points. Online meeting makes email invites more likely. I’ve usually done phone before meeting though. Can’t think of a time when I’ve actually arranged a 1st date by txt. (Even though I voted txt = ok, lol.)
Btw, don’t feel sorry, it’s just an opportunity for communication. (“I’m happy to get it unless want to share”, “You prefer phone or txt?”) The more we use communication to get away from guessing and assumptions, the happier our dating and relationships will be. imho.
A phonecall is obviously better but if I only get a mobile number then texting it will have to be cos calling mobiles is extortionate when you don’t get free minutes on pay-as-you-go and landline>mobile isnt much better.
Asking someone out should be done in the context of a conversation. A call automatically implies that there is a conversation, so it is hard to go wrong there. If you are having a conversation via text messaging I think it would be awkward to interrupt that with a call just for the sake of etiquette.
I’m a woman, and most of my points have already been said by others on the comments here.
I use emails a lot to arrange first dates, but after that I prefer a call, as it seems more personal after you’ve met in person.
Anyone can email or text, but a phone conversation means a bit more to me…at least in the initial stages of dating. That’s my opinion.
I personally like to follow a “no text before sex” rule: if you haven’t already done the full work of wooing me, then I expect you to make the extra effort when asking me out! (Although admittedly this would probably be a gutsier stance to take were I not kind of easily persuaded into bed. Whoops…)
I’ve found texting to be excellent for flirting, then escalating from there to a date. I use it more as a last-minute thing – “I’m free tonight, wanna meet me for coffee?”
I’ve been flirting with a gal the last couple of days via text. She’s a bit coy in person, but I think she feels a little, I dunno, safer being flirtatious over text.
Oh and just to clarify – I don’t use it for the first date. Only subsequent ones.
There are pros and cons to both. Texting gives a girl time to decide whether she wants to go on a date, which may not be good for the guy. Phone calls are much more sincere but I think it can get awkward..
Wow!!! I think this was the most popular poll ever, here on the blog. Who’d a thunk it? I don’t have anything personally add (I’ve said WAY too much on this topic) other than welcome to all the newcomers to the blog and thanks so much for joining the conversation. I hope to hear more from you. And thanks to everyone else for chiming in – as always.