Innocent Bystanders

I know I’ve said this many times before, but I really love Twitter.  Yesterday I had breakfast with one of my newer Twitter friends, PassionMD, who is seriously one of the sweetest men in NYC.

We had a great chat about a dozen different things and, of course, one of them was dating and relationships.  I mentioned to him that it’s now been over a month since my last date, and that this has been the longest I’ve been without a date in I don’t know how long.

And then I said that the main reason for this was that I didn’t want to turn some guy into an innocent bystander.  And PassionMD, being the incredibly smart and sensitive guy that he is, got it.

You see, right now I’ve got a lot of shit going on.  Most of which I’m keeping off-blog.  Some of it I’ve hinted at, some of it I haven’t.  I’m not trying to be secretive or build suspense or anything like that.  There are just some parts of my life that I want to keep out of the blogosphere.  It’s how I stay semi-sane.

And then there was that big, ridiculous, I can’t believe it actually happened drama with M a few weeks ago.  That really messed with my head.  MY HEAD.  Not my heart.  But my head.

If I were dating now, casually meeting guys out for drinks a couple times a week like I usually do, and I met someone and we clicked, *sigh*.  It wouldn’t be good.  Not for him.  I’m not in a strong, healthy (mentally health-wise) place right now.  And I know that.

So I’d just be wasting some guy’s time.  Dating to go through the motions.  And that’s not something I feel comfortable with.  Wasting a guy’s time.  Maybe hurting a person who doesn’t deserve it.

It wouldn’t be right.  Btw, I speak from experience, having been both an innocent bystander in the past and the one causing the damage.

No dating for me until I’m no longer a danger to myself or others.