A long, long time ago I worked with this woman, I’ll call her Beth. Beth was nice enough and smart enough and certainly not unattractive. She just wasn’t a hot commodity on the dating market.
Somehow she found herself dating this perfectly nice man, I’ll call him Ted. He seemed really nice and was, I guess, extremely smart (he was a professor of something intimidating). He wasn’t the best looking guy around. He was overweight and wore these black chunky glasses, and this was way back before anyone thought chunky glasses were cool.
We had some kind of work party and Beth took Ted along as her date, at which time she announced to us all that Ted had recently proposed and they were getting married. The ring was displayed for all to see and everyone gave their congratulations.
A few minutes following Beth’s big announcement, someone asked them if they’d set a date and if so, when. Beth’s answer completely blew my mind (obviously, as I remember all of this from so many years ago): “We’re putting the wedding off for at least 18 months to give Ted time to lose weight. I’m not walking down the aisle with him until he slims down.”
Just for clarification, she announced to a bunch of her colleagues that the guy who’d put a big fat diamond on her finger wasn’t quite good enough to marry – yet. First he had to lose weight. Only then would she marry him.
I found that completely offensive at the time and remember talking about it with co-workers.
I still find it offensive. But now, many years later, I have a different take on it. Beth was, at least, being honest. She liked him, but seriously disliked something about him. And she was telling him that to his face (not to mention telling everyone they knew).
I can think of lots of times in the past decade where I’ve heard women and men talk about someone they liked and speak about their potential. “She’d be really hot if she dressed differently.” or “He’ll make a great boyfriend one day, he just needs to stop spending so much time with his friends”.
I’m not a big fan of looking at a guy’s potential. I figure, I gotta take a guy as is. People aren’t interested in being changed.
So anyway, for this week’s poll, I’d really like to know how you’d react if the person you were dating or your significant other asked you to change? Would you change for love (imagine this change is superficial- the way you dress, exercise more, etc)?
- Yes. If I loved someone and their request was within reason, I’d change. (33 votes)
- No. Anyone who loves me is going to have to take me as I am. (31 votes)
- Maybe, it would depend on the situation. (55 votes)
- Other. Please explain in the comments. (4 votes)