I have no idea what made me think of this…
A few years ago I met this guy (online). We had a pretty great first date. I thought he was smart and funny and cute – all the good stuff. And he seemed really into me. Almost too much. Which caused a little warning bell to go off in my head. He was just too into me for a first date (and not in the, ‘I’m trying to get in your pants’ kinda way).
And then that bell got louder when he told me that he’d just started online dating again. And that I was, actually, his first date. That, in fact, until recently he’d been living with someone. For almost 2 years. And that he’d met her online. And that she was the first person he’d met the last (and first) time he tried online dating.
It seemed a little weird to me. But it was a good date so I went out with him again, and had another really great date. That night, though, he was a lot more clingy (in that, ‘I’m trying to get in your pants’ kinda way) and I wasn’t ready to make that move with him. To be honest, he was starting to come off as a little too needy for my taste. And the whole, I just got out of a serious relationship (with the first woman I met when I started online dating and now you’re the first woman I’m going out with…) gave me pause. So we didn’t sleep together that night but I did accept another date with him.
And then our third date was less fun. Much less. Little cracks in his facade started to show. And I realized that I liked him a lot less than I’d initially realized. A LOT. LESS.
But me being me I had to be sure. Two good dates and one bad one – I needed a fourth date to see. I figured maybe he’d just had a bad day at work, the day of the third date.
After the fourth date I was sure. He was kinda a jerk. A total jerk. So when I recieved an email from him saying how much he enjoyed my company and that he was hoping I’d save time to see him during my busy weekend, I picked up the phone and told him that I wasn’t interested in seeing him anymore. That he and I just didn’t fit together (or something polite and neutral like that). I thought he took it well.
A week or so later the emails started. Horrid, nasty emails. You see, he wasn’t done with me. He was sure I’d made a mistake. I needed him. He would be good for me. I was just too foolish to realize it.
I ignored the first few. And then replied to one, asking that he stop. That just made him madder and confirmed his suspision that I needed him. And so I went back to ignoring him. Then the emails started to get really mean and scary. For a few months. Then he got bored and gave up.
The best I can figure it, he’d decided, by our first or second date, that I was going to be his new girlfriend. He’d picked me. Not because I’m the most fabulous woman in the world. But because I fit whatever criteria he had (who knows, maybe he made that decision before we even met). And then he freaked out because I didn’t want to play along.
Anyway, he’s why I started using a special email account (one that doesn’t have my real, full name associated with it) just for online dating/dating. No man gets my real email address until I’ve decided he’s a keeper.
Tags: clingy, Online dating