Perhaps I should I have a rule, only blog when I’m clearheaded. I fear that this post won’t make sense to anyone but me. But I’ve given it a lot of thought and so here goes (note to my non-Twitter following readers, I have the flu or something that feels an awful lot like the flu):
I have a lot of married friends. A lot of divorced friends. And now that I have this blog and am meeting new people on twitter I even have a lot of single friends (for a while I was the last of a dying breed). I don’t really think that anyone got it right or wrong (although I wish that the people who were in miserable marriages would either make the effort to fix them or leave them, that shit makes me sad). I think each of us made decisions that were right for us at the time.
Now clearly there are lots of folks who disagree. It’s pretty much impossible to surf the net without reading some nonsense about how one group or another is WRONG. Sometimes it just comes out as plain hatred and anger (I’m not giving those sad souls links, pity-yes, links-no). And sometimes just warped logic.
Speaking of warped logic. I was reading double X. Can I just say, I really, REALLY want to like double X more than I do. I’ve been a longtime Slate fan and adore their podcasts. Such a disappointment, so far. They posted this piece called My Wedding Was in the Times, My Marriage was in Shambles.
The author, while pimping her book and website, described how she struggled with the decision to end her marriage. But reading her story I couldn’t help wonder if she was leaving out a major element – she was afraid of what people would say. She wrote around it, but didn’t actually come out and admit it.
Which is a shame. Because I think it’s a helpful thing to admit. That what people will and do say so often affects women. That we find ourselves bullied into decisions that we might never have made on our own. Staying in relationships, leaving relationships… Because of what people will say. I’d like to hope this is generational. But I don’t think so. I come across a lot of women in their 20s who seem completely overwhelmed by groupthink.
The flip side of this was the piece in The Frisky on Jessica Valenti’s wedding and the attention (mostly negative) it received. God forbid a feminist decides to put on a light gray dress and get married. How dare she! Anyway, I’m happy she’s headstrong enough to do whatever she wanted to.
Living in fear of what others think isn’t much of a life.
Tags: divorce, fear, marriage, single