Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

What’s In Your Mirror?

Last night I was out drinking with a couple of my very smart .  We were talking about dating and relationships (really, I do talk about other things, sometimes). and @iamalejandra said (to someone else, not me), “Let me ask, who do you see when you look in your mirror?  I think that every time you look in the mirror you see a person who’s a failure at relationships. And as long as that’s the person you see in the mirror, that’s what’s going to keep happening.”  Maybe those weren’t her exact words, but that was the gist of it. And, really, she wasn’t saying it to me.

Brilliant, huh?

All morning long as I lied there in my lonely bed, bundled up in layers of blankets against the cold, I wondered about my mirror.   There’s not really a doubt as to what I see there.  I see a SINgleGIRL.  , independent.  Alone but not lonely.  That’s the me I see in my mirror.

Which leads me to ask the obvious question, Does that mean I’m destined to remain that way?  And if so, am I OK with that?


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8 to “What’s In Your Mirror?”


  1. erinkoro says:

    Yes, I do think that your thinking controls your destiny. Which is very empowering because it means you can switch it around any time you want. Maybe I’m wrong but my optimistic soul likes to believe this truth. Your comments reminded me of two of my favorite quotes, also empowering:

    “Whether You Think You Can or Can’t, You’re Right”–Henry Ford

    “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

  2. Lucky Chica says:

    Hmm, this brings up an interesting point. Yes, I do think that what we think about ourselves, manifests. We can definitely cause things to turn out one way or the other. But how about this idea: what if we stop labeling (or judging) ourselves with regards to our relationship status? I never thought I’d hanker for the time when we looked in the mirror and simply thought “God, I hate my nose.”
    Nowadays, that seems downright benign to all the other things we lay on ourselves every time we pass glass.

    PS – Erin, I also love those two quotes.

  3. AnalyticalDiva says:

    Solid, thought provoking post. I’m glad you made the distinction of alone but not lonely. Truth be told, how can you be with someone if you’re not happy within yourself?

    But when it boils down to the basics: I like to think we have all have a hand in creating our own destiny. And that includes how we think about companionship in our lives. So being with someone? Part choice, part destiny.

  4. DateratLarge says:

    First, I’m new to your blog and am loving it. Second, I’m sure there are a lot of other things you see in yourself in the mirror besides your dating status. It is definitely important to see things as they are, but it’s even more important (I think) to see the possibilities for yourself and be open to those. And that applies to all aspects of your life and relationships, not just dating.

  5. iamalejandra says:

    Alcohol-induced brilliance!! We should credit the apple cider too, hehe.

  6. Philtron3030 says:

    Have you ever read “Think and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill?

    If you constantly think it, it will become your destiny. It is the way of the world…

  7. Simone Grant says:

    -erinkoro
    Wonderful quotes. I’ve never been a big fan of the thinking controls your destiny school, honestly. I do believe, though, that a persons thinking will affect their future actions and hence their destiny. And so my friend who is sure he is bad at relationships doesn’t make any effort to change his obviously self-destructive patterns. He sees failure as his fate. Anyway…
    Lucky Chica
    OMG, I love that phrase, “pass glass”. I’ve never heard anyone else use it. But I digress, I’m all for not labeling and judging, ourselves or others. But there’s nothing wrong with a friend needing to talk through what’s on their mind, whether it be relationships or anything else. And, my friend wasn’t judging himself over his “relationship status” but rather grieving a relationship that didn’t work. BIG DIFFERENCE. In fact, I don’t have any friends who judge themselves on their “relationship status”, but rather willingly think through the implications of the choices they’ve made. Again, big difference.
    -AnalyticalDiva
    Thank you, and yes, it’s scary but it is part choice and part destiny. I’d agree with that (although I’d replace luck with destiny).
    -DateratLarge
    Thanks and welcome to the blog. Yes, of course I see more than just a single woman when I look in the mirror. Much, much more. That’s a tiny little facet of who I am. But it’s a part. And sometimes an important part.
    -iamalejandra
    That must be it. Let’s blame the booze.
    -Philtron3030
    Ah, another newcomer. Welcome to the blog. Nope never have read it. Not really my cup of tea.

  8. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    Good question! Self-fulfilling prophecies? Sure, I believe they can play a subconscious role. But I also think they converge with events that are beyond our control so that even people who were CONVINCED they’d never meet anyone can be on cloud nine with the love of their lives just months later.

    IMO, the things you see in the mirror are fantastic things for a single woman to see! Now, if those things were accompanied with images of someone who will “always be alone” or someone who is “unworthy of love,” etc., then maybe I’d say you were sabotaging yourself. But just because you see yourself as independent and contentedly single doesn’t mean you also see yourself as destined to be that way forever.