I was lying in bed last night, alone. Thinking about how much I hate lying in bed alone. And thinking about how much I miss having a guy in my life. Which is different than being lonely, btw. I can be lonely AND have a guy in my life. And I can miss having a guy in my life and NOT be lonely.
One doesn’t have much to do with the other.
Right now, I’m not particularly lonely. I’m so busy with work stuff and friend stuff and famiy stuff that I don’t have time to think about lonely. But I do miss having a guy. For lots of reasons. Here’s my top 4.
- I miss having a regular sex life. I’ve been exchanging emails all day with my ocassional fuckbuddy, trying to coordinate schedules so that a break in his schedule can match up with a break in my schedule and he can come over. It’s nice that I’m not celibate (I don’t do celibate well), but it’s just not enough.
- I miss intimacy.
- I miss waking up in someone’s arms. It’s getting cold, here in NYC. Every morning for the last few mornings I’ve woken up to an icy bedroom and thought how nice is would be to have a man there with me.
- I miss falling asleep next to someone. It’s a cliche, I know. But I sleep better with a partner (assuming they neither snore too loud, steal all the covers or crush me).
Nothing too surprising here. Hardly worth spelling it out. Except for this – the sleeping with and waking up and sex, that’s just a small fraction of my life. So missing the guy, it doesn’t leave that big of a hole.
Tags: fuckbuddy, lonely, sex