Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Too Big, Too Little or Just Right

I’m aka short.  Not just a little short.  I’m the kind of short that requires me to get just about everything I buy hemmed, including sized pants.

Which is not a big deal, really.  When I was younger I hated my height.  Wanted to be taller.  I don’t know too many American women who didn’t hate the way they looked as teenagers, unless they were 5’7″ and stick thin.  But now that I’m older I’ve grown into my looks and think I’m perfectly fine the way I am.

Anyway, one issue I never have is whether or not to date men who are shorter than me.  It’s true, there are men who are shorter than me in the world.  But I’ve never had any of them express interest in dating me.  I do, frequently, get hit on by men who would be considered short and that’s cool with me.  I hear that other women, taller women, sometimes have issues with short guys.  That some women don’t like goiing out with men who are shorter than them, but I don’t get it.  But then, I guess it’s all a matter of taste.

A guy’s height does matter to me, though. I can’t deal with guys who are too tall.  Compared to me. A guy who’s a foot taller – OK fine.  13inches, sure.  But more than that, um no.  Then things start to get icky.  My personal preference, btw, is for a guy to be about 5-8 inches taller than me.  No more than that.

And the really funny thing is that there are some really tall guys who have a thing for superpetite women.  I’ve had a couple of guys in the 6’7″ range hit on me.  I don’t get it.  But then, I know some women my height who like tall guys.   I don’t judge.

What about you?  Does a person’s height matter to you?  Are you a woman who won’t date shorter men?  A guy who likes tall chicks?  A guy who likes petite chicks?  Someone who doesn’t think about this stuff at all?  Does a person’s height matter to you?

  • I’m a guy, and height does matter to me. (28 votes)
  • I’m a guy, and height doesn’t matter to me. (28 votes)
  • I’m a woman, and height does matter to me. (90 votes)
  • I’m a woman, and height doesn’t matter to me. (17 votes)
  • Other. Please explain in the comments. (8 votes)


29 to “Too Big, Too Little or Just Right”

  1. onedatewonder says:

    I voted other. Which is kind of hilarious because a year and a half ago I would have voted that it matters. And I’m not willing to say today that it doesn’t matter but I am feeling the need to qualify.

    I don’t know if I’m woman enough to actually date a guy who is flat out shorter than me. And I certainly used to prefer men who were over 6′, although it wasn’t a requirement. I’d date anyone as long as they were taller than me. Okay, and tall enough for me to wear maybe 2″ heels. Maybe. But times change. And I have learned that I will date a guy who is my height after all. Because in the end, his height isn’t what makes the relationship work or not. Of course, it took a guy my height to teach me that lesson, but there you have it.

  2. iamalejandra says:

    I’m 5’2″ and when a guy is 6’3″ or more then it’s all kinds o’ uncomfortable and awkward.

  3. DaveTheBrit says:

    I’m a guy who is 6’2″. Height doesn’t matter to me really, but I always seem to liker smaller women. Maybe its so I can protect them? I don’t know what from, maybe a small child.

    And I don’t really mind women being just shorter than me, if they are taller than me, I’d get scared!

  4. Veka says:

    I’m 5’7″ and I must confess that I have a mental block of dating guys that are of equal or shorter height. I prefer a guy to be at least 3″ taller than me, so that if I were to wear 3″ heels, we’d at least still be the same height. But I much prefer a man who is 6′ or taller.

    It may come across as shallow to some, because it really is about the person and who they are, etc. But I believe you have to be attracted to the person to have a good relationship. If there’s no attraction, then obviously you’re just kidding yourselves. I’m just not attracted to shorter men.

  5. PMFoutofwater says:

    I can empathise with height issues. I’m 5’8 and when I meet women who I’ve been chatting to on the internet they are always surprised by how short I am. My experience is that women like taller men – 5’11 and over. Shame.

  6. sfsingleguy says:

    I voted that height does matter to me. I’m 6’1″ and generally prefer women taller than 5’7″.

    Given two women I like equally, I will choose the taller one. Though height is not a deal breaker unless the girl is under 5 feet.

    Why do I prefer taller women? I like someone closer to my height, they can keep up with me walking (I have really long legs).

  7. Witless Fool says:

    Being 5’9” was great when I was growing up (for feeling superior) but now, looking for guys who are taller than me is a real strife.

  8. Shannia says:

    It doesnt really matter to me, I am average height for a woman and even if I have a thing for super tall men, i’ve dated men my height and have gone out with shorter men. The one thing I cant is thin men.
    I’ve found that really tall men like shorter girls, which is fine by me,.lol

  9. queenieNYC says:

    I’m 5’3″, and up until recently, I didn’t think a guy’s height really mattered to me. I’d always dated men who were 5’9″ and up, which is a pretty big difference, especially since I rarely wear heels outside of the office.

    Then, last year, I went on a date with a truly short (about 5’5″) guy, and I realized I do prefer a guy to be at least 5 or 6 inches taller. I didn’t see that guy again; the height thing was not the reason (there were many other red – or at least orange – flags), but it definitely didn’t count in his favor.

    It made me feel a little guilty at first, but it seems to be the only thing that is consistent in my physical attraction to guys – I don’t have a body type I trend toward (chubby, skinny, in-between, whatever), or a hair color, or anything. Just height. So, there you go. I’ve accepted that when it comes to height, I am shallow.

  10. Momma Sunshine says:

    I voted “other”. Height matters somewhat, but not how you might think. I used to think that I preferred tall men, but for the first time I a dating a relatively short man (I think he’s around 5’7″ – bear in mind that I am only 5’2″) and I LOVE it. I never imagined that I would.

    I once very briefly dated a man who was 6’4″, and it felt completely ridiculous to me. I felt like a smurf!

  11. MyEroticMind says:

    I voted that height matters, it does somewhat, especially at a later stage of your life. Now there are many more things that take priority to height, and I wouldn’t say no to someone intriguing because of height, but I also might not click on their profile or make an introduction move if the height comparison is way out of whack.

  12. AGirlNamedMe says:

    It matters to me. I like taller men, bigger men.

    Kinda shallow? Probably, but there it is.


  13. just13 says:

    I selected that yes, it matters. Not because I base my partner decisions solely on physical characteristics, I’ve dated men who are my height or slightly shorter, but I tend to be attracted to men who are around 6 ft.

    I’m 5′ 8″ and an athlete, and though I wouldn’t call myself manly at all, I’m very muscular for a girl. So do date a guy who is shorter than me, and likely thinner than me (good Lord, must all twenty-something guys have a metabolism like a gazelle!?) makes me feel awkward. So, although I wouldn’t count out a shorter guy, I’d certainly prefer them to be taller. :)

  14. sparklytosingle says:

    Height does matter to me, and yes it’s a dealbreaker. But I will date guys in a pretty wide height range… anywhere from 5’9″ or taller. I’m 5’7″ though, and I’m not a particularly skinny girl (I have more of a Kate Winslet body than a Gwyneth Paltrow body, if you know what I’m saying), so I just don’t want to feel *big* compared to my guy. And I’ve found that 5’8″ or shorter seems to be roughly the height that starts to make me feel a little uncomfortable. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to feel physically at ease around the man I’m dating.

    For the exact same reason, I tend not to date guys who are extremely thin or slender, or *super* buff. I just don’t feel comfortable physically with them. I want a guy who can make me feel feminine and small.

  15. pups4me says:

    I voted other, because I am 5’9″ and prefer a man who is taller than me. Height has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember, and yes, I do think it’s somewhat shallow. However, that doesn’t change the fact that if I am a few inches taller than a man, I feel like an amazon woman, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. My ex-husband was about my height, and it was fine, but when I got divorced I decided I was going to find a tall man, 6’2 or taller is perfect, in my opinion.
    So here I am 5 years post-divorce and I’ve dated several tall men, but they are not easy to find.
    Many times I’ve seen shorter women with tall men and I want to tell them to leave the tall men for the tall women! However, I have had a few very fun dates recently with someone who is just my height. And while it would be great to find a tall guy, if the qualities I’m looking for and the chemistry is there, I can deal with the height.

  16. Erin A. says:

    At 5’3″, I have dated shorter. And now I’m with a 6’4″. When we are in pictures together, I look like a small person — like the kind that get paid for wrestling in Nevada.

  17. Anonymous says:

    I am a guy any 6′ and I am not interested in dating women that are shorter than 5’5″. I like to being able to look into their eyes without looking down. It’s just my personal preference. A friend of mine is the same height and he loves petite women. Not for me.

  18. Myst says:

    it matters..I’m 5’8 and I couldn’t date a guy shorter than I am but I want a guy tall enough wear I can wear my heels comfortably around him. Luckily my hubby is 5’11 and that’s just perfect for me. in heels we’re the same height and I don’t have to crane my neck to look up or down on him 😀

  19. Anonymous says:

    It doesn’t matter for me up to a certain point. Ideally, I’d prefer a guy who is between 5’7″ and 5’11” (I’m 5’3″) but my college boyfriend was 5’4″ and my boyfriend now is 6’1″. However, I don’t think I could date someone shorter than me or more than a foot taller than me – it would make me too physically uncomfortable.

  20. Analytical Diva says:

    As long as I can remember I’ve been conditioned to believe height matters. I’m 5’7″ so not quite short. While I’ve learned to be flexible, I’d have to say that my concern on this issue may matter because of the idea that you can feel “protected,” or something. You know, being with someone taller projects strength (in theory). Don’t necessarily believe it, but for some reason I can understand that idea.

  21. Tales From a Bar Stool says:

    I’m 6’0″ and I love to wear heels, which would make me anywhere between 6’2″ and 6’4″ (only if I wear my Jimmy Choo’s). Finding a man who is taller than me is sometimes an issue and I’m not prepared to start putting anymore items on my list of deal breakers, which means I’m open to dating men who are shorter than me. Also, I don’t like ridiculously tall men, oddly enough. 6’5″ would be my limit and that’s pushing it. A man who is 6’0″ – 6″3 is my ideal. But below that range is not off limits. I’ve dated as short as 5’7″. In fact, right now, I’ve got the serious hots for a man who’s only 5’7″. Another issue I have is: what if I marry and have children with a crazy tall man and have freakishly tall offspring. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Perhaps I’m attracted to the shorties because I secretly want to have average sized children.

  22. LittleMissAngry says:

    usually i go for taller guys. usually it matters. but i’ve had crushes on shorter ones too at some points. for me, i think if you really like like the person, their height..shorter/taller might not be something that gets in the way.

  23. Simone Grant says:

    Oh goody, more new voices to the conversation. Welcome Erin A, Just 13 and Analytical Diva.

    It seems to matter to an awful lot of people, the majority of men and women. I don’t get why some of you are calling yourselves shallow for caring about this. It matters to me. I don’t think that makes me shallow. I just feel uncomfortable when I’m with a guy that’s much, MUCH taller than I am. But whatever the reason, there’s nothing wrong with having preferences. Unless you’re listening to those (idiot)people who go around calling people “too picky”.

    Momma Sunshine, I love that you said you felt like a smurf around the much taller guy. I frequently feel that way. Like a smurf or a toy. Not good.

  24. Angelica Florine says:

    I’m 5’6″ and prefer a guy to be somewhere close to 6’0″ tall. Simply because I am chubby and I am very insecure about being with someone my height. I know it’s silly and someday I hope to overcome that, but for now that’s how the standard is for me. I know it’s a lame excuse to say “I was brought up thinking a man should be taller than a woman” (also, my dad said women should be skinny and women should never have short hair — he’s very archaic and white trash America) but it’s something that literally has been taught to me for so long that I’ve got to brainwash myself to get out of thinking that way!

  25. Janipurr says:

    I’m 5’2″ and as long as the guy is taller than me, I’m fine with that. I’ve only met one guy in my life who was shorter. I actually prefer to date men under 6′, because if they are too tall, it’s just too awkward, if you know what I mean. My current BF is 5’11”, which is pretty good. I don’t know how I would feel if I was tall and actually ran into a problem with men not being taller.

  26. Helena Elyse says:

    I am on the tall end of 5’2″ (juuust under 5’3″), and I’m generally attracted to taller men with a lanky build. But I also agree that I don’t like feeling too short and childlike around a date. So my ideal date would be around 5’10”-11″, and the dateable range is probably from 5’6″ to 6’2″. No more than a foot taller than me, though. Then the height difference just becomes physically awkward, from holding hands while walking to bedroom maneuvers.

  27. Hopeless Romantic Chic says:

    I stand around 5’3″ tall and I prefer my man to be 4 inches or more taller than me because I feel comfortable and protected being with this kind of man. However, if he is beyond 6 feet I feel awkward about it because I seldom wear high heels. And dating with a guy who is taller than me is a big turn on to me because I find them attractive. When a guy is shorter or of my the same height, it is a turn off because it is not just my preference at all.

  28. Height Weight Chart says:

    Girls want an air of mystery. They like the tall, dark stranger type of guy on a first date.

  29. VJ1 says:

    For the record, it seems to matter far more to the women here (and probably elsewhere too, BTW), than the guys. Which actually proves out in real life. The gals are much, much more ‘picky’ on this point, and yes, there’s many, many reasons for this. Still population wise? If you want to date exclusively say, good looking handsome guys with a decent, steady, or ‘professional’ job & a good college education & then add ‘I don’t date under 6ft’ to that too? (The stereotypical ‘tall dark handsome & successful’ dude?) You’re basically limiting yourself to that ‘golden top’ 20% of the distribution. (And today? Probably a bit less than that, actually). The ones Everyone are running after. Which is yet another recipe for ‘waiting out the chaff’ to ‘winnow out getting to the decent ‘good’ kernels of wheat. Sometimes that can work. Most times demographically & practically it means that even if it does work well as a ‘strategy’ later on? It means the possible, future & potential children you’re so worried about will be a lot more tenuous & hypothetical. They’ll be fewer of them, and they’ll be much more difficult to come by, for any number of various very good reasons.

    For the guys? It’s a bit easier. They’ll actually ‘take it as it comes’. They’re typically much more open to dating on Both ends of the height distribution. Even if you’re ‘freakishly large’ or really tiny. If you fit the bill elsewhere? You’re as good as gold. And no, not too many of them get down with the hard genetic discrimination arguments right away. The ‘I can’t date him, he’s a shorty and our kids will be disadvantaged if they too are short’ is yes, pretty unique especially early on to women. That’s fine if that’s really important to you. But hey, if you really wanted kids and are thinking that hard about it all? All this would have been hopefully settled long before your mid-late 30’s.

    And no, we’re not going to get into the weight issue here either. That’s way more ‘stuff! Cheers, ‘VJ’