A good friend said the other day, “I don’t think I could ever really get over what M put you through. Forgive or forget. You were so uhappy. I couldn’t get past that.”
All through this latest dilemna, people have been asking me, telling me, wondering about my capacity for forgiveness. Many assume I haven’t forgiven M. Some say I won’t be able to make any kind of decision about befriending him or anything else until I do.
Call me crazy (I’m called crazy all the time, and MUCH worse) but I thought I forgave M a long time ago. That doesn’t mean I forgot about the hurt. No. As I’ve said before here in the blog, I can forgive but I can’t forget. Once someone hurts me I’m going to remember that hurt forever. I think of it as data. Bits of information about the man and who he is, what he’s capable of.
I guess what I’m trying to say (Poorly. Please excuse me today, my allergies are out of control.) is that the data I have on M tells me that he is or was a certain type of person. I’ve forgiven him for the specific things that happened in the past, but I can’t forget about them. That information is important to me. It’s going to inform any decisions I make, now and in the future.
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