A couple of things:
I haven’t bothered to delete the nasty comments from the last two posts, even though they clearly cross the line. I also have no intention to correct the many factual errors made. Here’s what I will do, point out for the nth time that I can’t imagine how sad, pathetic and empty a person’s life has got to be for them to spend time reading and leaving hateful comments on the blog of a person they clearly don’t respect. Go get a life. You’re not wanted here.
In the future, I will return to my old way of dealing with comments, that is, deleting the nasty ones as soon as I see them and responding to the rest. I have honestly just been too overwhelmed to do that these last few days. Apologies.
Now, I’m sure there were more than a few people who wondered, “Why the fuck did she post that email?”. I didn’t just paste it up right away. I thought about it for a while and then called a couple of friends and asked for advice. There were lots of reasons to not do it. Lots. Lots. And only one reason to do it.
This is what I do. I tell the truth about my life as it relates to dating, relationships, etc. I don’t sugar-coat it. I don’t leave out the bits where I humilate myself. I share it all. And so when I overreacted the other night (And yes, I know it was an overreaction, I’m not a nitwit) and got seething mad over M’s (I’m reverting to calling the evil ex, “M” as I did earlier in the blog) email and sent him a reply, thereby messing up the DTM rules I felt it was important to admit that here. Because I fucked up. It was a dumbass thing to do. I wasn’t proud of it. But it happened. And I was willing to share that with you as a part of my truth.
Somehow I have a feeling that the majority of people reading have done something in their lives, in relation to dating/relationships, that they’re not proud of. Or maybe not. Maybe most of you are perfect?
When M sent me that email the next day, I was devastated. In it he says things that, well, let’s just say his explanation of events and his feelings are news to me. Just as I finished reading that email, I received a second one from him, saying more things that he’d never said. More personal things. The power of the two combined sent me into a temporary spiral/crying fit. Pathetic.
If anyone had asked me last week if there was a chance, ANY CHANCE, that me and M would ever sit down in the same room and talk, I would have said, “hell no”. And now, honestly, I’m not so sure. There is this little voice inside of me saying, maybe the reason you haven’t met anyone who makes your heart sing is because…
And then my brain kicks in and says, no fucking way. He’s manipulating you. You’ve already given him plenty of chances to make things right with you.
Anyway, this is what’s going on with me. This is my drama. I should know better. I do know better. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
Tags: Dead to Me, drama, ex-boyfriend