Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Why Do Men In Their 40s Think I’m Old?

One of my new favorite reads is More Magazine.  Although, I’m officially out of their target demographic, at 39 I’m not quite “old enough” (they “celebrate women +”), hehe.

The truth is that as much as I like some of the other mags for women, I feel left out. So many of the articles in other mags are obviously written by and for women in their 20s/early 30s.  And the differences in our life experiences is rather glaring, at times.

So today I was taking a break and reading More and came across this.  A question we’ve pondered here, on the , many times:  Why do men in their 40s think I’m old? Although I think the WHY is kind of obvious – because they can. I don’t love the advice given, nor do I hate it.  As a woman who lives with this issue I constantly have to remind myself that not ALL in their 40s think I’m old.  Only some.  And while I have widened my search (I’ve always dated older and am now trying to convince myself to be open to younger) I haven’t given up on those guys in their 40s either.


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12 to “Why Do Men In Their 40s Think I’m Old?”


  1. DaveTheBrit says:

    Mid Life Crisis?

    I don’t want to deal with the fact I’m getting old, so if I date someone younger (and probably lie about my age), I can feel hip and go to wear all the hip kids go now a days.

    Tomorrow, I shall buy a motorbike. That’s what all the cool kids are doing now-a-days?

    I have met younger women acting older than their ages and visa versa, all depends on the person I suppose. Maybe on the dating sites, it should say “Number of years life experience you really have”, as opposed to age.

  2. pups4me says:

    Unfortunately it doesn’t get any better as you get older :(
    I’m 43 and men in their 40′s aren’t interested–they want women in their 30′s.
    Men in their 50′s look like my dad, so I’m not having much luck!

  3. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    Interesting Q&A. The comments were revealing, too.

    When I read advice like Greenwald’s, half of me wants to acknowledge that it’s practical, and the other half wants to protest how we women are always being advised to change our standards for men. Part of me wants to say, “If you don’t want to date someone who’s 10 years older or younger, just don’t. So what if you don’t find what you’re looking for and end up single? There are worse things than not being in a relationship!” But I know that many women just don’t feel that way. They’re not content being single and very much want relationships. So then what do you say to women like this? DON’T modify what you want to have a chance at a relationship? Of course not. I guess I just wonder how the world might be different if women didn’t feel so pressured to compromise their own desires to get a man.

  4. Keliana says:

    As a woman of 39…….I get the same thing. Men think I’m old, and the younger ones think I’m going to play on the playground….lol

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’m 41 and currently dating a gal who’s 43, and I don’t think of her as old. However, she still wants to have kids. If you do the math, she hasn’t got a lot of time to find Mr. Right and get pregnant by him. So I’m feeling a little pressured to give her a yay/nay life decision right now rather than in 6 months. That’s all in my head, thougyh, not overt pressure from her.

  6. Ashley Ladd says:

    I’m 49 until November. However I’ve been married for almost 30 years, to a man 5 months younger.

    So I’ve not been in the dating pool since the 70′s. However, I’m a romance writer and the “in” thing now seems to be cougars. If that’s so, I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that older men want younger women, but that younger men want older women? That really sounds like to me that it’s still just a matter of meeting the right person. Of course, I could be totally wrong.

  7. Simone Grant says:

    -DaveTheBrit
    I love it. “Number of years life experience you really have”. So much better than age.
    -pups4me
    I’ve dated some very hot guys in their early 50s and so I’m open-minded about that. But I tend to get uncomfortable when someone is more than 12 or 13 years older than me. That’s when it seems “old”.
    -Singletude
    My feelings were similar to yours. The context to her advice seemed to be, “you have to have someone in your life and so…” and I don’t believe that. I believe it’s fine to be single and that having someone to date is a great bonus, if that person adds value to your life.
    -Keliana
    Welcome to the blog. You and I are in the same exact boat, honey. It gets tiresome, at times.
    -Anon
    That’s a legit issue. You have a big decision to make.
    I have a couple of male friends who are divorced, both with teenaged children. And neither of them want more kids. They avoid dating women who are interested in having kids. And I know other guys who only date women who are under 35 because they are looking for the mother of their children. I get that sometimes that factors into people’s decisions about who to date.
    -Ashley Ladd
    First, welcome to the blog. It is, indeed, about finding the right person. But please don’t believe all of this cougar hype. Only a minority of single women in their 40s are really interested in dating younger men. I can barely tolerate a single date with a younger man. They just don’t do it for me. They don’t have the maturity, the life experience, anything…

  8. Filipina Girl says:

    For me, women who are in their 40′s aren’t that old, guess it depends on guy’s preferences. Anyway, what matters most is the kind of life you live as what they have said it is not the number of years that counts but the the way you live. And one more thing, I’ve personally known someone wherein the woman is much older than her partner, like the guy is in his early 40′s and the woman is in her late 50′s so I guess it all depends on somebody’s preferences.

  9. Saucy Dating Online says:

    A men when reach 40′s start to be desperate :) It’s the midlife crisis. I think that this could be a good explanation.

  10. Simone Grant says:

    -Filipina Girl
    Of course there are some couples where the woman is older. Here we’re just talking about the very real issue of the many men (maybe the majority) in their 40s who won’t date women over 35.
    -Saucy Dating Online
    Those wacky midlife crises. They get all the credit/blame.

  11. Felix Hanson says:

    It’s all about how you carry yourself, how old you really think you are. I have friends in their early 30s who are already complaining about how “old” they are. It’s irritating.

    Now, on a dating site, I’d have a hard time really assessing a woman who’s older than I am, because you can’t get a sense of her spirit there. Out in the real world, though, there have been plenty of women that I’ve been attracted to who were older than me. It’s all about the spirit.

    Also: God, I hate the term “Cougar”

  12. cyclekarl says:

    The trouble with women is they want it their way all the time,me for instance as well as other male friends,when we were in our teens women our age wouldn’t touch us with a barge pole,sure they loved prick teasing the hell out of us for a laugh,but only dated older men with cars and money,now we are in our 40′s and still single and quite well off these same women seam to think that we should be dating them,and hate the fact that those of us that can be bothered, date younger women,well if women do want equality,why can’t men do as these women did many years before and tease the hell out of girls their age,but only date younger women?