Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Do You Want To Go Out With Me?

Today is my site’s turn to get more involved with the Blog Crawl.  There’s been a slight change of plans, as our guest author is Keysha Whitaker, instead of Terry Hernon MacDonald as originally scheduled.

“Do you want to go out with me?

The other day, as I walked towards the main doorway to my South Bronx hi-rise, (I like to make it sound glamorous every now and then), I passed a couple young boys, maybe around 12 years old, bouncing a basketball on the sidewalk.

As I got to the door, two girls of about the same age, pigtails flying, wearing bright colored sneakers, came flying through the lobby, bursting through the main entrance, huffing and puffing with excitement. They paused at the door; one eagerly crouching behind the other, yelled:

“She wants to know if you want to go out with her?!”

I glanced back at the boys; I’m not sure which one was the boyfriend-to-be.

The boys – in traditional fashion – gave the girls suspicious side-eyes, mumbled, laughed, and continued to bounce the ball.

Girl, if you’re not careful, you’ll be asking that question your whole life.

Hell, if I had a dollar for each time I wondered the intentions of a potential beau, I’d be living in a midtown-Manhattan hi-rise.

For some reason, females’, dare I say, obsession with being mated up starts at a young age, and if not checked can become an unhealthy adult habit.

Some months ago I wrote a post, if you have to have the talk, you should take a walk. I said essentially, if you have to corner a man and poke him with a stick to find out if he wants to go out with you, he probably doesn’t. If you have to run out of a building and scream it down the street, (metaphorically speaking of course, I know we have too much class for that), then maybe he doesn’t want to go out with you. I ripped a few pages right out of He’s Just Not That Into You and stapled them to my forehead.

So why was I, with the pages stapled to my damn head, always getting in situations with men where I had to turn into the little girl screaming, do you want to go out with me?

I had (hopefully not “have”) an uncanny knack for picking men who didn’t want to go out with me, right now – for various personal reasons valid or otherwise. In fact, I should write “He’s Just Not That Into You Right Now But He Will Be Once You Decide To Be Into Someone Else.”

I digress.

I do recognize that relationships are not black and white. Maybe there are out there, some men with good intentions, who sometimes do need poking with a stick.

I started because I wanted to encourage women to be comfortable with not poking, but rather focus on creating the life you want, and in the tradition of Terry’s book, attracting the best of all things to you.

And it may be true that more women are becoming comfortable with their singlehood.

A recent survey by Zoosk, an online dating platform, said that “women are more likely to celebrate their single status than are men. Nearly 70 percent of women cite the freedom to “do my own thing” and the ability to “flirt with anyone, anytime” as the best aspects of being single. Nearly half of men, however, responded that none of the benefits of being single outweigh their wish to find someone special.”

So maybe it’s likely that you will run into a man, who wants a relationship, and he might come right out and say ‘baby be mine’. Or maybe he won’t say it but show it, and you have to do a gentle poke.

Whatever you do, just be careful for the ones who will try to bite your hand off.”

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1 to “Do You Want To Go Out With Me?”

  1. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    This feels like a very appropriate response to yesterday’s blog crawl post actually! I seem to recall we were talking about this very issue.

    I find that Zoosk survey interesting and surprising. It definitely contradicts the stereotype that men aren’t as interested in relationships as women. Seems like there could be some bias, though, based on the fact that they were presumably sampling online daters. If they had sampled men in the general population, I wonder what their results would’ve been.