Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Love Isn’t Brains

Last night I was taking some time out for a night of hardcore Buffy/hulu therapy and an episode I hadn’t seen in a long, long time (I’ve seen them all, many times) came up.  Spike returns to Sunnydale, drunk (listening to the Gary Oldman version of My Way, points off that it wasn’t really Sid Vicious) and heartbroken because Drusilla has left him.  Mayhem ensues.

And then, about 29 minutes in, we have this awesomeness*:

I know that some of my readers think of me as a cold person. Someone who doesn’t connect with men. But it’s really the opposite.

I’ve been that shell of a loser. Twice. Once in my 20s and once in my 30s. I’ve been ’s bitch and I’m woman enough to admit it. And in both instances I picked poorly. Well, truth is, I don’t think I “picked”. Because I don’t think that is in the head. Like Spike (one of my all time favorite fictional characters) I believe that is in the blood.  And both times got into my blood and that was it.  Logic didn’t really matter anymore. The fact that both situations were ridiculous and impossible and unhealthy for me on multiple levels didn’t matter. I was ’s bitch. And now I’m just really cautious. Because as much as I’d like to let into my life again, I don’t really trust it. And I know I can’t control it. Plus I’m pretty sure it’s not my choice, whether or not I ever fall in again. It either happens again or it doesn’t. Whether I want it to or not.

Oh, btw, that clip is from Season 3 episode 8: Lover’s Walk

* no longer available on hulu, but here’s the money : “You’re not friends. You’ll never befriends. You’ll be in love ’til it kills you both. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other ’til it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.”

Read more:http://www.buffyguide.com/episodes/loverswalk.shtml#ixzz144RzMy7K


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8 to “Love Isn’t Brains”


  1. Tales From a Bar Stool says:

    I love the reference to Buffy. One of my favourite cult tv shows from my teenage years (and yes, I did recently just buy the whole series on DVD). Gold.

  2. lostplum says:

    “Love isn’t brains….” —such a great episode!

  3. Amiles369 says:

    Been there! :( Wow !! I think we have all been Love’s Bitch at one time or another ! Again i say Wow!

  4. Simone Grant says:

    I’m so glad I wasn’t the only person who connected with this. When I saw it a little bell went off in my head and I thought – oh yeah – that’s it. Love isn’t brains. Of course. That’s the answer.

    Maybe I just need a vampire boyfriend like Spike.

  5. Simone Grant says:

    And OMG Amiles369 I forgot to welcome you to the blog. WELCOME, darling. Have a great night.

  6. happsgirl says:

    I so agree ! that’s why when we fall for men who are bad for us, there’s no explanation as to how we got there :) I want Spike as my boyfriend too. he’s yummilicious …still lovin’ the blog!

  7. OpinionatedGift says:

    This is actually my favorite Spike quote from both Buffy AND Angel. It’s all true, the whole damn speech.

  8. Simone Grant says:

    Thanks so much happsgirl. Knowing people can relate, that’s what makes it worth it.

    Oh, and OpinionatedGift – mine too. But wouldn’t the episode been a teensy bit better if they used the Sid Vicious version? I’m just saying.