Last night I was taking some time out for a night of hardcore Buffy/hulu therapy and an episode I hadn’t seen in a long, long time (I’ve seen them all, many times) came up. Spike returns to Sunnydale, drunk (listening to the Gary Oldman version of My Way, points off that it wasn’t really Sid Vicious) and heartbroken because Drusilla has left him. Mayhem ensues.
And then, about 29 minutes in, we have this awesomeness*:
I know that some of my readers think of me as a cold person. Someone who doesn’t connect with men. But it’s really the opposite.
I’ve been that shell of a loser. Twice. Once in my 20s and once in my 30s. I’ve been love’s bitch and I’m woman enough to admit it. And in both instances I picked poorly. Well, truth is, I don’t think I “picked”. Because I don’t think that love is in the head. Like Spike (one of my all time favorite fictional characters) I believe that love is in the blood. And both times love got into my blood and that was it. Logic didn’t really matter anymore. The fact that both situations were ridiculous and impossible and unhealthy for me on multiple levels didn’t matter. I was love’s bitch. And now I’m just really cautious. Because as much as I’d like to let love into my life again, I don’t really trust it. And I know I can’t control it. Plus I’m pretty sure it’s not my choice, whether or not I ever fall in love again. It either happens again or it doesn’t. Whether I want it to or not.
Oh, btw, that clip is from Season 3 episode 8: Lover’s Walk
* no longer available on hulu, but here’s the money quote: “You’re not friends. You’ll never befriends. You’ll be in love ’til it kills you both. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other ’til it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains, children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.”
Tags: love, quote