So I was exchanging emails with a friend I hardly ever see. It’s not because she lives far away. She doesn’t. She’s right here in the city. But like so many of my old friends (READ-people I’ve known since my 20s) she’s married and works a gazillion hours a week and so we really don’t have much in common anymore. So we see each other once every couple/few months, at most. Not because we don’t care about each other anymore, but because that’s just the way things are.
Anyway, she asked me about my love life (she knows about the blog but is way too busy/caught up in momland to read it). I gave her the short answer, “what love life?”. I explained that while I still go on at least one date most weeks (2 or 3 some weeks) that I very rarely see guys more than 2 or 3 times and the last time I was “seeing” someone for more than a month was last winter.
And so she asked the question. The question that I dread more than any other. Why?
Like there’s an answer to that. OK, I’m sure that there are people out there that think they know the answer.
So I told her what I always tell people. That that’s the way it is. Because, as usual, I’ve gone out with a lot of really inappropriate guys (and that’s no one fault but my own). And that, really, I’ve been kind of overwhelmed with other stuff (family, work, lack of work).
Blah blah blah blah blah blah. I’m so sick of the blah blah blah.
More than anything, I just wanted to tell her to fuck off. If I don’t get to say, in everyday conversations, to my married friends, “why did you settle for him, he’s such a dolt?” or “I know you were worried about getting too old to have kids, but really, was he the best you could do?” then they shouldn’t get to ask me why I’m still single.
Yes, I know this sounds angry and bitter. And I guess it is, in a very real way. But I’m not angry because I’m single (and I’m very well aware that there are people who can’t/won’t believe that). I wouldn’t trade places with my friend for ANYTHING. I’m just annoyed because every time we talk it’s the same thing. She’s the winner who gets to ask me why I’m not closer to the finish line. And I have to pretend like I’m OK with my role as the loser. Because I’m not allowed to say, “I’d never want your life and PS I think your husband is a jackass and I always have”.
Tags: married, settle, single