Another random thing that you might not know about me (but some longtime readers might have figured this out): I love music and my tastes are all over the place – classic punk, classic jazz, lots of alternative stuff from the 80s. All over the place but truthfully, mostly old stuff. It’s not that I don’t like new music. I do. But I am a creature of habit in so many ways and music is one of the things that I look to to bring me comfort and joy.
I tend to go with what I know. Over and over. Sometimes the same song over and over. Yeah, it’s kinda weird.
Add to this that there are many songs, albums, bands that I can’t help but connect to very specific moments of my life. Moments and people.
Subsequently, there are songs that can bring me to tears. Songs that are actually happy songs, but because of the memory I have connected with the song…
Like, for example, I can’t hear Pump it Up without thinking of a friend who passed away when we were still in college because we saw Elvis Costello in concert together (I’ve seen him several times, that was the best show) and that was the encore song and we were singing along at the top of our lungs and if I close my eyes and concentrate I can still see her smiling and singing. Stuff life that.
Anyway, I don’t know if this is something other people experience. It hit me hard this morning. I was listening to something on my itunes and the album was over and itunes started to play the next album on the list. Bad ex memories came flooding back, as if no time had passed in the last couple of years. And then I started to cry.
Oh fuck, maybe I just needed to cry. It’s been a crappy week.*
*It really has been a crappy week. And I guess I’ve done a lousy job of keepy it IRL and offline. For those of you who know me and have been wondering WTF?, last weekend was the 1 yr anniversary of my mom’s passing. And it’s been hard. For me and for my family. And other things have been hard on top of that. And, y’know, I’m doing the best I can.
Tags: bad ex-boyfriend, music