Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Do You Recycle Sex?

I have a new favorite phrase:  recycled .  Lots of us have had it.  It’s ex-, aka with someone you used to be in a relationship with.

Like most things related to sex, people have very strong feelings about this.  Some people think it’s OK, some don’t.  I fall somewhere in between.

My views are pretty similar to those expressed in a recent blog in , Ex Sex:  The Ultimate Recycling. That if you had a good relationship with someone and the breakup was respectful (and the sex was good) then recycled sex can be a fine thing, maybe even a great thing if the circumstances are right.  But if s/he treated you badly and it was a nasty breakup then ex sex is sure to be a bad idea (even if the sex in the relationship was great).  And yeah, I’ve tested this theory.

However, I totally understand people who hold fast to the don’t double dip rule (although I think it overestimates the neediness of the average chick).  As usual, I think there is a kernel of truth in the shtick.

What about you, what do you think?  Do you think it’s a good idea to have ex sex?

  • Never. There’s a reason s/he is an ex. (31 votes)
  • It depends on the relationship and the breakup. (62 votes)
  • Sure. I really don’t see what the problem is. (10 votes)
  • Other. Please explain in the comments. (2 votes)

Tags: , , , ,

10 to “Do You Recycle Sex?”


  1. DaveTheBrit says:

    I’ve actually recycled bad sex, just because I thought it’d be better.

    It wasn’t

  2. Kate Morris says:

    There are 2 people I would sleep with again that are exes. The rest? Nope. It’d just be weird. Esp because most are married/engaged. Just wrong ;)

  3. dazediva says:

    It depends on the relationship with the ex and how the break-up was. I’m in two minds about this because I’ve been in a scenario where sex with the ex just resulted in the ex trying to re-establish the relationship and that really wasn’t a good idea … I am fine with the idea of recycled sex if it’s whilst you are single (of course) and it’s not a ‘regular’ thing …

    Where did you come up with this Recycled Sex quote ?? I have to use it ! it’s wicked !

  4. Veka says:

    Never have, and probably never will. I think it’s a bad idea, unless you’re in the process of getting back together (which I’ve never done either, since I’m of the mindset that they’re an ex for a reason). having ex sex is treading on thin ice.

  5. chelsmarlene says:

    I’ve actually done it and it wasn’t bad at all. The best part, had to be the fact that I know it will never happen again!

  6. singlesurprises says:

    From my experience, sleeping with an ex usually gives him the wrong impression that you are an item again …. awkward if not your intention!

  7. Dating is My Hobby says:

    I have a few ex’s I’ve had ex-sex with. I usually try and keep it with one that was a fantastic lay and that we still have a good relationship together. I think its even a good barometer to consider getting back together…

  8. Filipina Girl says:

    It depends on every situation and the feelings involved. Like, you make love with your ex because you still love him or her but the downside of it is that your ex might think of you as someone that will make love to him or her whenever she or he likes especially if the emotions involves one sided love kind of thing. I might be jumping into conclusion but guess it happened to some of us.
    For me, I consider recycling sex if I know that the feelings are mutual and I agree with what Dating is my hobby said that it can be a way of getting into each others arms.

  9. Simone Grant says:

    First a welcome, I think this is singlesurprises first time here in the comment thread. Welcome to the blog.

    Hmmm. for many ppl ex sex seems to be about the potential of getting back together. That’s been my experience on a couple of occasions, but not always (full disclosure – I’ve had sex with 4 different exes – over the course of 12 years). The other times were just about sex and thinking the ex could be a good friend with benefits.

    dazeddiva – I got the phrase from the Bitch article. She gets all the credit.

    DavetheBrit – I did the exact same thing, once. We both were hoping that the sex would be better. And it wasn’t. :-(

  10. Jonsi says:

    Of course it depends on the relationship and the breakup. My experiences with this have involved both of us attempting to get back together (and it not working out), and an ex who dumped me (while being dishonest about her reasons and the events in her life with other men) asking to be FWB 10 days after the breakup, in response to the 4th time I told her “do not contact me. I am in love with you and need time and space to heal. It’s too soon for any sort of friendship. I am too hurt and not ready.”

    Most people double dip in the IMMEDIATE weeks/months following the breakup, not 1-2 years later. The second of those: I am ALL for. The first: I kind of doubt how beneficial it is, even if the breakup was mutual.