Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

He’s Not Stupid – You’re Really Pretty

Have I mentioned recently how much I love Twitter? Seriously, I can barely remember what my life was like before entered the picture.

One of my Twitter friends sent me a link to this story in the Telegraph about a new study that shows how talking to a pretty woman really can make a guy lose him mind.

So, aside from the fact that the study itself was extremely limited (these types of studies always are) – how funny is this?   And, well, how obvious?

It’s always been pretty much common knowledge that some smart guys (and some not-so-smart ones) can get tongue-tied around women.  Especially pretty ones.  You can try to explain it anyway you want:  they become “reproductively focused”, overwhelmed by beauty, whatever…

What I don’t get is why men think it’s such a big deal.  They have a few moments of embarrassment and so what.  After than they should be able to pull themselves together and get on with whatever it is they need to do (and if what they need to do is make small talk with the pretty woman in the hopes of getting to know her better, atta boy).

We women make fools of ourselves all of the goddamn time.  Heck, the average girl can’t make it through high school without learning that life is all about looking stupid and sucking it up.  Maybe it’s because women just aren’t that nice to one another, as a practice.  And so we don’t expect interpersonal interactions to be easy.  With women, men, anyone.  We humiliate ourselves, take a deep breath and move on.  No need for excuses or scientific research on the matter.

Or maybe I’ve taken this tangent a few steps too far?


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7 to “He’s Not Stupid – You’re Really Pretty”


  1. DaveTheBrit says:

    Firstly, I’m a Twitter Friend! Woop!

    Secondly, this is what I tell my friends all the time, “just got an talk to her, whats the worse that could happen” (not dr pepper). If you look like a moron, you look like a moron.

    I think this is why a lot of men try Chat up Lines, once they walk over to a pretty girl, they can think of nothing funny, memorable, ice breaking etc, so they fall back to their sleazy chat up lines.

    The only time I’ve ever seen this work, is when it is just pure funny and if the girl doesn’t find it funny, they obviously weren’t meant to be.

  2. drumdance says:

    I thnk it’s a little trickier than you portray. The first thing I guy wants to say when he sees a beautiful woman is, “you’re beautiful.” But that’s generally a terrible way to start a conversation.

    It’s not just that they embarrass themselves, but they put themselves in the hole – the girl has gone from no opinion about you to negative. (Just the other day you commented that comments about your looks are a negative for you in online dating.)

    So we have to fight our initial impulse and come up with something else. Easier said than done when you’re distracted.

  3. Simone Grant says:

    DaveTheBrit
    I firmly believe that most guys are far more concerned about appearances (and fear looking failure)more than women. It’s such a pity, really.
    drumdance
    I don’t see how one thing has much to do with the other. In online dating a man has as much time as he likes to think of the “right thing” to say. And after not getting positive results with several women a guy should learn that is the wrong way to go. Whereas in person, a guy coming up to a pretty girl and saying, “I’m sorry if I sound like a jerk, but you’re just so pretty I had to come up and say hi” is almost always a winner. In fact, a friend of mine wrote a play called the lined that picked up a thousand babes (or something like that, it was YEARS ago) and that was the title/line.

    Again, I say, many men have a bizarre fear of looking foolish. They should try surviving junior high school as a girl.

  4. Little Lushie says:

    Totally agree! Me and my friend have devised a thumbs up signal for when we know we’ve said something embarassing and foolish! It’s called Thumbs up because she once used that signal to a guy she was on a date with she really liked and we’ve never let her live it down!

    I do ALL the time. Cringe worthy stuff is part of everyday life and if men can’t move on and laugh about it later then they need to man up and stop being so friggin sensitive, we all make mistakes!

  5. Simone Grant says:

    Little Lushie
    I can’t help but think of the old feminist joke, ‘If men were the ones who gave birth the human race would die out because they couldn’t take the pain of childbirth’. We really are the more resilient gender.

  6. drumdance says:

    Thanks for the clarification. The conventional wisdom is that lines like “I just wanted to say you’re pretty” don’t work if the gal is in the supre-hot range of a 9-10. I’ve never tested that, but I have talked to girls in that range in a non-dating context and asked, “when did you know you were hot?” Most of them say they started getting that kind of attention when they were 12-14, so by the time you hit on them at 25-35, they’ve heard it way too many times before. In that case, a guy either falls back on his own looks or, if he’s not so hot, has to think of something else.

    OTOH I know guys who have used this approach with a lot of success.

  7. drumdance says:

    And by “this” I mean your suggestion of just saying what you think aka as a “direct approach.”