On Tuesday, I wrote about my cancelled date with Mr. Nicepost and the way I felt about it (stressed, distrustful, ashamed at my own lack of trust). I tried to be as open and honest with you as I could be about my feelings, while at the same time leaving out lots of details about what happened with Mr. Nicepost and why I was feeling the way I was feeling. It was the best I could do in an awkward situation. (I’d told him about the blog and so had to assume he would/could read it. I didn’t want him to know what I knew and exactly what I was thinking).
But, me and Mr. Nicepost won’t be seeing each other again, so now I can tell you what was really going on on Tuesday. But first, some back story: Our second date was a couple of weeks ago. I wrote about it and gave you most of the details. He met me at a party, from there we went out to dinner and then a club. I had too much to drink (on that note, strange that I had too much to drink on our dates as I so rarely drink on dates…). And then I did something kinda stupid. It was late and I was trashed and I invited him back to my place. The sex wasn’t the stupid thing. But suggesting it was. IMO. It disrupted the balance of power and shit. Anyway, we were at the club trying to decide whether or not to stay to listen to an act that started later on in the night (after midnight) and I suggested going back to my place instead.
And I was drunk and he was exhausted from working marathon hours for the past few days/weeks. No, I’m not going to say more about that.
And then I had plans for the weekend so the next day I suggested we get together then next Tuesday (he emailed me first, in case you were wondering, with the obligatory – ‘I had a great time’ email). Again, me doing the asking.
Fast forward to Tuesday morning, late in the morning, I was thinking, “gee, I haven’t heard from him in a while”. I was feeling a little insecure. OK, a lot insecure. So I checked his OkCupid account and it said he’d checked in already that morning. And so I sent him an email asking about the plans for that night. And a few hours later I received an email from him saying: a) that he’d just woken up b) that he was sick and had to cancel.
I immediately went back to OkCupid to see if maybe I was wrong. Maybe he hadn’t been online earlier. I really didn’t want him to be lying about having just woken up. And his account was gone. Deleted.
I had no idea what to think. Well, I had some theories. Lots of theories. Most of them focusing on him not being sick/being a big fat liar. But over the course of the day he and I exchanged a few emails that put my mind in a better place. He took a great deal of time to write me a long email telling me how much he was looking forward to getting to know me, blah blah blah.
Anyway, I had to be away for part of the weekend. I sent him an email as I was leaving town on Friday, saying that I hoped he was feeling better and that I’d be back Sunday. And I said maybe we could get together one day this week. He wrote back saying that he’d be away Monday-Friday but would love to get together Sunday night. So like an idiot, I cancelled the plans I had for Sunday night so that I could see him. I really just wanted to get it over with, if that makes sense. I was starting to actually have a feeling of dread about it (no, I am not the sanest chick on the block).
As of late yesterday/Sunday afternoon I hadn’t heard anything from him. By then I knew. It just felt too much like I was chasing him. Completely unacceptable and, well, icky. I was having brunch with one of my favorite people on the planet and he agreed with my assessment – this was all going nowhere. There was more than likely some other woman and he was stringing me along via email as a “safety”, just in case that didn’t work out. My friend told me I absolutely shouldn’t email but should instead go and make other plans for the night. And I knew he was right, but I suck about stuff like that (I also have a bad habit of picking scabs).
I sent Mr. Nicepost a short email asking if we were getting together. The tone wasn’t bitchy, but it was more businesslike than friendly. He replied back that he’d met someone else over the weekend. Someone with whom he had an instant connection and he had to explore it. And he wished me luck.
OK, he could be telling the truth. The hidden profile and the dragged out communications and cancelled date could all be coincidence. But what I’m guessing is their magical connection happened sometime before he got “sick” and cancelled our date. And really, does it matter? Ok, on that note, the fact that he lied on his profile makes me think that he is more likely to lie on other things.
The thing is, the only thing that made him any different or special than the dozens of other guys I’ve gone out with in the last few months is that I decided to tell him about the blog. It was an experiment. One that, honestly, I’m not sure I want to replicate.
Tags: blog, liar, next day email, second date, sex