Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Public Service Announcement (Please Guys, These Looks Don’t Work On Anyone)

This started innocently enough.  I was out for beer and wings with Lostplum and Mirthful33 and there were a few cute boys standing not far from us (Lostplum spotted them first, go figure).  And I said, “Nah.  They would be cute.  But the one in the suit has a really bad $10 haircut and his friend’s wearing a baseball hat.  So not hot.”

And so it began. Our* list of things that make otherwise perfectly attractive guys MUCH less attractive.  Potentially so unattractive as to render them undateable (depending on the night, our sobriety, and which of us you were trying to convince).  I should warn you that our system of compiling this data was to have Lostplum text me things as we spotted the offending issues out on the sidewalk and in the bars.  As the night wore on and we had more to drink, we might have started to get a little meaner/funnier/crazier.

  • bad haircut (the kind that look like they were done by a blind barber)
  • baseball cap (in a bar?)
  • double pop top collar
  • wrap around tribal tatoo on his upper arm
  • be strong bracelet
  • seashell/surfer bracelet (or worse) necklace
  • too much hair gel/product
  • muscle shirts
  • skinny jeans (especially the really skinny ones)
  • eyeliner
  • transition frames
  • earrings bigger than studs
  • cell phone holster clipped to his belt
  • cut offs (jean shorts that are cut-offs)
  • a man purse
  • tucked in polo shirts
  • I know.  It’s a long list.  It probably could have been a lot longer.  Help us out.  What did we miss?

    *I went back out again last night with Lostplum and Mirthful33. We were joined by @iamalejandra.  We did a chaotic little pubcrawl throughout the LES and the East Village.


Tags:

26 to “Public Service Announcement (Please Guys, These Looks Don’t Work On Anyone)”


  1. DarthOreo says:

    Well dang, the only thing I do is tuck my polo shirts in. Glad I do not have to worry bout finding anyone now :) Found someone a couple months ago that I cant get enough of.

  2. lorilori17 says:

    Hilarious! I didn’t know people actually did the double popped collar! Muscle shirts are just gross. I have to disagree on eyeliner – on the right guy, it can be kinda hot. But not every guy can pull it off.

  3. lostplum says:

    I’m very surprised you were even able to read my drunken texts by the end of the night. We totally forgot the FAKE glasses glasses! Urg…..not cool, ever!
    (what no horns on the list?!)

  4. timbury says:

    I admit to wearing double popped collars but, hey, it was the 80′s. Don’t you think it my be a fun post to do a makeover on some guy(s)? I’d volunteer but I might need a complete overhaul. ;)

  5. bobmatnyc says:

    What, belt clip for your BB/iPhone is no-go? You’ve just shot down half the male population of Manhattan!

  6. Veka says:

    Ok I agree with most of them, but what’s wrong with the bracelet? (Were you referring to the yellow Live Strong bracelets?) Ok, maybe you shouldn’t wear them with a business suit, but if you’re out casually at a bar, why not?

    Man purse and skinny jeans are THE worst.

  7. Azarel says:

    CROCKS!!! Ugh, just saying the word gives me unhealthy serial killer thoughts

  8. SimplyLSC says:

    LOL @ “cell phone holster clipped to his belt” but whats wrong with transition frames? I’m assuming you mean transition lenses???

  9. sfsingleguy says:

    EYELINER!!?? WTF?

  10. Anonymous says:

    I would add soulpatch. Not a fan.

  11. aguy says:

    I hope the three of you are very happy together…

  12. iamalejandra says:

    Ladies, how could we forget Crocs?! Azarel is right on the money with that one :)
    And yes Simone, you forgot the Horns!!

  13. bbbex says:

    I don’t know what half of these are… Must be a regional thing (I’m from the west coast now living in New England). I need to google soul patch and pop collar now. I thought only Gok Wan wore eyeliner and skinny jeans? You forgot the “mullet” hair cut and any other redneckisms.

  14. lorilori17 says:

    Yes! Crocs are the worst! No one should wear them, ever. So ugly, and they look like they smell.

  15. DentalBabe says:

    List is hilarious! Also very true. However you did forget one of my favorite “dealbreakers” -Gold chain. Even worse is if the gold chain is super obvious because his shirt is unbuttoned. Ugghhh! Sends chills down my spine!!

  16. iChristy says:

    Too tight tees ( that look like they could have fit in high school), Anything Ed Hardy on a guy over 25, A huge white watch with ‘ice’ all over the face, spray tans that look orange and V neck sweaters with the sleeves cut off ( we don’t need to see your armpit hair, guys)

  17. Tales From A Bar Stool says:

    I hate a man who’s got sparkles on his t-shirt. Douch. Bag.
    Designer fanny packs, murses, designer / logo ball caps (you know the ones… Gucci, LV)
    Eyeliner on the right guy can be kind of hot… he’s got to be onstage though.
    Cell phone holders are awful. As are guys walking around with a blue tooth in their ear.
    Those rubber charity bracelets should never be allowed at any time (maybe only while you are running a marathon)
    Diamond studs in the ears (especially on a white guy)
    So so many faux pas….

  18. My Kafkaesque Life says:

    I am only guilty of too much hair gel, but only when my hair is really long (3-4cm) and I haven’t had the time to cut it… I usually won’t hit on girls when I know my hair’s not ok.

  19. dazediva says:

    LOL the list is fabulous !!!

    ~ Crocks – was glad to see that one made the list
    ~ Exposing excess chest hair ! … Guys if you have a hairy chest – please don’t over-expose ! it’s a bit like looking at a grizzly bear
    ~ guys are just NOT meant to wear skinny jeans ! If I can’t wear them – why should he :P
    ~ striped shirts with striped trousers !
    ~ B.O ….I’ve had the misfortune of having a model-hot man approach me and he just reeked – it was offensive ! I had to leg it out of there ! So I reckon that even if a man is not a girls’ type – if he smells good – she’s gonna notice … and you never know how the sparks might fly
    ~ too many piercings … a stud is about enough … a tongue stud … maybe although I don’t know anyone with that … I’ve seen guys in suits with eye brow piercings :S
    ~ visible tattoos .. I don’t like to see tattoos all over a guy … it’s more fun discovering a hidden one ;)

  20. little Lushie says:

    Agreed agreed agreed! But don’t dismiss all with bad haircuts. I once critized a hottie in a bar with an appalling haircut. I saw him recently and he had cut it and he was gorgeous!! So much so I got some action with him!!! I’ll write about that one very soon though! ;)))

  21. Simone Grant says:

    Thanks everyone for the wonderful additions. I think that most of these things are subjective, and like anything else, if I liked a guy I’d probably not notice. Lostplum, I saw the horns in your text but couldn’t figure out how to explain them in the post. It’s true, everyone, we did see a guy with horns. So not sexy.

  22. VJ1 says:

    Yeah, I’m suspecting that if you completed a Venn diagram with All of those ‘turn offs’ that most of the guys on the Island (& in Manhattan) would be eliminated. Me? It’s the tucked in polo shirts. I just thought they always looked neater.

    So how about the turn offs for the guys about the ladies, just to be a bit more ‘fair’? [Yeah, I'm betting this comment will somehow disappear like the last one here, right?]

    1.) A rear ‘tramp stamp’ larger than life & on the posterior of a rather large jiggly derriere. Think ‘stamped fat back’ here. Just never attractive.

    2.) Too much jewelry. Especially piercings. Especially facial piercings. Tongue studs might be somewhat attractive on a 20 something co-ed. But anything older than say 30? It marks you on the shallow end of the IQ scale. By then anyone should have figured out the numerous nasty dental & potential detrimental medical side effects from same. Yeah this despite all the ‘added advantages’ too.

    3.) Too many tats. Sure, they’re tasteful and all. Well done. Arty & self designed to be ‘self expressive’. But all over both arms, down your throat & onto your breasts? Yeah. However ‘hot’ for the night or so? You’d rarely think of this person as a serious contender for a LTR, unless you were also ‘part of the scene’ or addicted to the pain & excitement etc.

    4.) That one good little black dress that you wear everywhere. We may even love you in it. But is that the only ‘decent thing’ you’ve got to wear or fits? We’ve got to wonder after awhile.

    5.) Too much make up and especially the ‘sparkly kind of powder/cover’. We get it. You’re Hollywood lite. Plastic fantastic & all. Just a little bit goes a long way though.

    6.) Continuing on in the same vein. Too much/too obvious/poorly done plastic surgery. Humongous boobs on a previously wonderfully small & proportionate thin gal with A’s or even B cups. Please, Please learn to love yourself for the wonders of what you’ve got. No added extras are much needed to attract others. (Unless you’re in the ‘industry’, then it’s seen as a typical business expense). No one really likes looking at the same ‘pulled up face’ on women (& Men) of a certain age. It’s not only really boring, but it ruins your face for any sort of recognizable human expression. And folks, that’s an essential part of acting too, believe it or not!

    7.) When ‘out on the town’, Always wearing a patented NYC facial expression of one of the following: a.) ‘I’m perpetually bored, and you don’t interest me, now buy me another drink’. b.) ’I’m of course more superior than you in every way imaginable, but I might deign to talk to you until someone interesting comes along’ (Or the One Hopeful prospect of the night!) c.) ‘I can’t be bothered to converse with the likes of you, even if you’re being friendly or kind to my friends, you’re just not in my class/income bracket/looks dept.’ d.) Utter contempt for what we happen to be wearing from work. E.) Utter contempt for anyone talking seriously about any serious topic (yes even economics, politics, religion etc). F. Same for anyone with interests that you rarely encounter or are clueless about. Ignorance is truly Bliss!

    8.) Women who just happen to hate men actually looking, smelling or seeming, well like Men. Yeah we know. How very gauche!

    9.) Women who are obviously ‘showing off their assets’ in order to get the quick interest of guys. Yes this does work. Sometimes wonderfully too. But if I’m with my wife honey? It’s none too classy either.

    10.) Tri or multi colored hair. I know, I’m a dinosaur on this one. Pick a color, any color & stick with it. Anything more and it begins to look like a circus act. (Not that that is ‘bad’ or not delightful in its own way or under certain circumstances). It’s just that past a certain age? The circus is strictly for kids. Or porn stars or wanna bees. Cheers, ‘VJ’ [Have I hit the limit yet?]

  23. Simone Grant says:

    Oh dear, I see I have another reader with a chip on his shoulder. A large one at that. VJ1, I like your list. If I were composing a list for women mine would probably have most of the same things on it. If you check most of my other list posts you’ll see similar lists from the guys perspectives in the comments.
    If I deleted your comments in the past it’s because they broke the blog rules – you were either rude, mean or overly aggressive to me or someone else. Or you provided links to another site in the body of your comment. If you choose to not abide by that rule in the future you can expect to have future comments deleted, too.

  24. BerteraNissan says:

    Ok.. SO all I ask of you is this favor.. When you see one of the Fashon Mishaps. (for lack of a better word) I want one of you to walk up and place a hand on a shoulder and say.. ” Please…HELP ME HELP YOU!” Because most of the offenders.. HAVE NOT A CLUE. :)

  25. Simone Grant says:

    BerteraNissan
    You have an excellent point. Most of those guys have not clue how silly they look. I now pledge to speak with the next guy I see who’s making one of these grievous errors. Hopefully he’ll be willing to learn.

  26. Laura says:

    Adding to the cell phone clip, what about guys who wear their bluetooth ear piece while walking around (NOT on a call)… and even worse when they’re wearing one while out w/ their lady! Not cool!