Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

50 is the new 20

Yesterday’s post by Single Black Male hit close to home for me. It’s title is, Why You Don’t Have a Man #4729: He Just Doesn’t Want A Relationship. I will admit that in my younger day I was one of those women who thought I could change a man. That if a guy liked me enough then suddenly he’d want a relationship – with me.

Don’t worry, I don’t believe that anymore.  Nowaday, I take that shit at face value.  A guy who says (either in words or deeds) that he doesn’t want a relationship doesn’t have a place in my life (unless I’m shopping for a fuckbuddy, which is actually how I got the one I have – but that’s for another post).

Anyway, I thought it was a great post.  Funny and to the point.

The thing that really jumped out at me was this.

At any point in time, a guy who desires to be single can be one of two … and only two different types of “single”.

  1. I don’t want a girlfriend … right now
  2. I don’t want a girlfriend … PERIOD! (50 is the new 20!)

Now, I’ve heard that 50 is the new 20 thing before, but I can’t remember where.  I tried googling it, but came up with nothing worthwhile.

Here’s what I think when I hear it: a guy at 50 – note I said a guy – can screw around and live like a 20 year old.  He’s still considered a “hot catch” on the singles market.  I realize this is location specific.  That those are the rules in NYC and LA and a handful of other cities and maybe not so much in other places.

And so some men would rather live a playboy/bachelor lifestyle for as long as they can.  And I’m not judging them.  I’m just stating a fact.  That some 50 year old men are really “like 20” year olds.  Which I realize sounds judgmental, but heck, I kinda live a lot like a 20 year myself.

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13 to “50 is the new 20”

  1. klawless says:

    I would add one more…
    3. I don’t want a girlfriend … like you.

  2. OpinionatedGift says:

    As a man not far from 50 I have to admit some truth to this, though Im not really dating now at all, or even shopping for a fuck buddy. (friends say I should at least be doing that, but …).

    Still, when I think about dating I tend to think about it for it’s own sake and not at all about potential relationships. Something more for me to ponder.

  3. happsgirl says:

    yes yes, i agree with klawless! I don’t want a girlfriend …who IS you.

    well, I live way on the other side of the world and I think the 50 is the new 20 thing pretty much applies here too. That’s why they think they have the right as 50 yr olds to hit on 20 something yr old women 😛

  4. aguy says:

    yeah, i agree with klawless too. Sometimes it’s just easier/less hurtful to tell someone you’re not looking for a relationship, than it is to say you’re just not that into them….

  5. pansophy says:

    Hmmm…What about this one
    4. I do want a girlfriend … and some women on the side.

  6. Single Black Male says:

    I’m glad I could inspire you and thanks for the shout out.

    The quote your actually thinking of is “30 is the new 20” which was coined by Jay-Z. I actually exaggerated the age to make fun of it.

    Oh … and don’t let the name fool you. I’m no lifetime playboy … and 30 (or 50) is NOT the new 20!

  7. TheMQB says:

    As a young man who aspires to live the bachelor lifestyle and to find the secret to immortality, I can think of nothing that makes for a more interesting lifestyle than one that revolves around exploring every facet of love and sexuality. Whether that revolves around different people or a monogamous relationship matters very little in the greater scheme of things.

    As the latin saying goes “Edamus, bibamus, gaudeamus: post mortem nulla voluptas” – Eat, drink and be merry, for after death there is no pleasure.

  8. lostplum says:

    makes me wish I was closer to 50 then 20!

  9. Little Lushie says:

    Does it make you feel any better than my ex had an affair and is now married to an almost 50 year old woman??! Made my feel pretty average for a while I have to say, but I guess overall you have to say “fair play'” to her! Hope I’ve still ‘got it’ at 50!!!

  10. yuch says:

    I’m 32 and I would never date a 50 year old man…. I’ve had my fare share hit on me or try to woe me, but it just doesn’t work. Too much of an age difference in inappropriate for a reason. I just don’t understand this mentality of having to date as young as possible, rich as possible, etc.. What ever happened to dating someone you click and are attracted to?

    It’s not a competition, is it?

  11. X caliber says:

    Ladies (and girl):
    Don’t be so quick to judge. There was a time in my recent past that I didn’t want a girlfriend period. But that had nothing to do with a lack of commitment; it had to do with the demise of a long term relationship with the woman I thought I’d spend my life. I needed alone time, that’s all. I had no long term use for a girlfriend … Period. But times change and memories return and I can think of some good uses NOW.
    I’m curious klawless, what makes you wear that ‘Girlfriend Like You’ badge? — When I turn 50, I think I’ll move to the city or at least spend more weekends there.

  12. Simone Grant says:

    OK, first, sorry it took me so long to get to these. Busy week. And so many new folks. Welcome X caliber, yuch and especially Single Black Male (thx for the inspiration darlin, I don’t know what I’d do if there weren’t so many brilliant bloggers out there inspire me).

    I’ll agree with everyone who said, there’s definitely that 3rd reason “you’re good enough to screw but I don’t want you as a girlfriend”. And yes, pansophy, a 4th “I want a gf +”.

    yuch, I don’t think there’s a right and wrong here. And there are plenty of 50 yr old men who’d probably think you are too young for them. Different people like different things. And yes, some men like much younger women.

  13. piter says:

    Just want to thank you for very informative post, regards Ed