Damn, I’m in an unusually ponderous mood. I blame the weather.
I’ve been trying for days to wrap up my thoughts on this with a nice little bow. I thought I should because it’s an issue I’ve raised many times before, and now it’s so very timely. The “it” in that sentence being the relationship between the pickup or seduction community (a phrase that seems to be favored by many, but I can’t really use without giggling) and misogyny.
Let me rewind here. There’s been several times, both here and in the comments on other people’s blogs, where I’ve mentioned my concern that much of what I see coming out of the PUA (PUA = pickup artist) blogs and forums is full of hatred towards women.
NOT ALL OF IT!!!
Let me make that clear. I am not stating that all of the guys who teach/use pickup have issues with women. Some of them seem to have very healthy attitudes towards women and all human beings (funny thing, we women, we’re human). But others do seem to be full of hatred. And many of the guys on the forums (yes, I read this stuff, I read LOTS of things) seem to be full of anger and resentment and fear.
Women are blamed for a whole heck of a lot. Our evil feminism ruined everything. And now the natural order of things has been disturbed. And we need to be put back in our places. And men who learn to put us in our (lesser) places (where our only value is for our beauty and potential sexual service) will be the victors. Whatever.
Like I said, I don’t mean to demonize the whole seduction community (*giggle* I’m sorry, it’s a silly name). There seem to be some guys out there who are all about teaching men to get over their insecurities and self-improvement. Completely worthwhile things.
But then last week this misogynist nutjob named George Sodini killed a bunch of women. And he had attended a pickup seminar. But instead of doing everything they could to distance themselves from the asshole, there were men on PUA blogs who were saying how much they could relate to Sodini. And others who were saying that the guy could have been “saved” learning game (For those of you who haven’t wasted hours of your life reading this shit, game is what these boys call the skill of picking up women.).
I poked around dozens of blogs and only found a couple of guys who came right out and stated the obvious. This guy hated women. He was a sociopath who hated women. His problem wasn’t his long-term celibacy (as I’ve seen written by many guys in the last week, gag). His long-term celibacy was created by his problem (I’ve watched the video, can you say creepy).
It’s sad that people (because, women are people) died. Sad that we live in such a violent world. And sadder still that there are so many young men who look at this guy and see him as a “nice guy” who didn’t learn game and so he couldn’t get laid and so therefore went crazy from the celibacy.
But still, we live in a world of 24 news cycles and so by next week no one is even going to remember this guy. There will be new tragedies, new deaths, new chaos. Maybe, just maybe, there will be some guys in pickup/seduction community who have been sensitized by this. Even if only a little. Maybe they’ll have read some of the truly repulsive comments and thought, “this isn’t right, these guys sound like they hate women”. And they’ll say something. Reshape the discourse.
Some relevant articles:
Pittsburgh Shooter George Sodini and his “Dating Young Women” Guru: R. Don Steele from the Village Voice
Tags: blog, Broadsheet, game, jezebel, misogyny, pick-up artist