Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

5 Things A Guy Shouldn’t Put in His Online Profile (Taken from Real Personal Ads )

I’ve been saving these up, collecting them, over time.  Each was taken, verbatim from some guy’s profile (no, I’m not going to say which service).  I chose these specific statements because they represent classic errors that I see all the time.  And yeah, I know women make lots of errors in their profiles too, but some of these are very specific to guys.

  1. I’m too busy to fill this out now. I must’ve seen this at least 3 dozen times in the last few months.  So a guy decides to do the thing and doesn’t realize how time consuming it is to fill out a profile.  I get it.  The smart thing for him to do would be to hide his profile until the next day and then complete it.  But I’ve seen guys keep the “I’m too busy” message up there for months.  I guess they think it makes them look important?   It doesn’t.  It makes you look like a jerk.  Same goes for guys who leave most everything blank.
  2. I don’t need to be here.  I have no trouble meeting women Oh, YOU don’t need to be here.  Unlike the rest of us who are all social misfits.   A guy who trashes online dating in his online dating profile comes off as insecure.
  3. Please, no heavy or unhealthy habits. But I thought all men were looking for self-destructive nutjobs?  Seriously, putting this in your profile doesn’t chase those women away.  It does, however, make you look less attractive.
  4. I AM EASY GOING, LAID BACK AND FUN LOVING. NOTHING SHOULD BE IN ALL CAPS.  And could you sound more bland if you tried.  Easy going, laid back and fun loving – just like everyone else…
  5. I am looking to meet someone serious, loyal and secure. So, please only e-mail me if you are interested in ME and not a free dinner. Um,  perhaps this guy needs to take a break from online dating.  He seems a little .

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20 to “5 Things A Guy Shouldn’t Put in His Online Profile (Taken from Real Personal Ads )”

  1. starangel82 says:

    I always find the “I’m only here because my sister (friend, cousin, appropriate female here) said I should try online dating” line rather pointless as well.

    And I hate it when guys leave almost everything blank.

  2. iamalejandra says:

    I don’t get the ones that post “I’m looking for someone who’s real” … as opposed to all the imaginary girls they have dated before? LOL

  3. snowman expert says:

    Great post. With alittle tweaking it ‘d be a funny Shouts & Murmurs. Will Facebook this later today.

  4. SimplyLSC says:

    I totally agree with the caps. I do not respond to that at all.

  5. OpinionatedGift says:

    Anyone that writes in all caps is not easy going. LOL.

  6. DateDoctor says:

    My personal favorite is “Romeo looking for his little princess to spoil”
    throw up in mouth….

  7. DentalBabe says:

    How funny that those EXACT same profiles are in NYC AND Oregon! Gee, does that mean that guys really are the same wherever you live? Truly hate the blank profile…what’s the point? One of my pet-peeves…when it asks if they smoke, they mark “no answer”. Like we wouldn’t figure it out?!

  8. klawless says:

    Hummmm… personally, I am completely turned on by the guys who misspell words like intelligent and educated. Or the ones who start with a whole list of “don’t contact me if…” — it makes me totally want to contact THAT guy! *cheeky grin*

  9. lostplum says:

    Have hatred for ” I don’t know what to say here” it’s along the lines of I’ll fill this out later! Great List!

  10. aguy says:

    For the girls – any cliche about how you’re as comfortable in a little black dress as a t-shirt and jeans, “try to live life to the fullest and take advantage of all nyc has to offer”, and “no players” (or “no games”).

  11. sparklytosingle says:

    Oh my goodness, AMEN to #2. I can’t STAND the guys who diss online dating in their profile. I understand that maybe you feel a bit self-conscious about using online dating to meet someone, but geez… all the women you’ll find on the site are doing the same thing so no need to try to make us all feel bad about it. Have more confidence in yourself. Online dating doesn’t mean you’re unable to meet women in real life, it’s just another avenue to meet women in real life.

  12. pansophy says:

    Ah, so the lesson for the day is that everyone should do a search of the same sex and read the profiles. DateDoctor you will be throwing up a lot from the sheer volume of women looking for “someone to spoil them”.

    The comforting or perhaps not so comforting thing is that it appears that these ‘annoyances’ are not gender specific. I’ve seen them all in the profiles of women too.

    Maybe its just people in general that need a little help learning how to be together?

  13. DominiqueNYC says:

    how bout my favorite to hate:
    A little about me…
    I will tell you later – send me a message.
    simone, how do we make these guys play by the rules?

  14. Tales From A Bar Stool says:

    I hate the ones who put rows and rows of emoticons in their write up. I also saw one once that said he would only respond to skinny girls. And I absolutely without a doubt hate the guys who post pictures of themselves taking pictures of themselves in a mirror. So what? Do they have no friends? Don’t get out much? Beware.

  15. alfabeta says:

    “free dinner”. That’s hilarious! Guys don’t have to always pay on dates, don’t you agree?

    Also, most guys ONLY look at photos on online profiles, it doesn’t matter what’s in the profile. So they think women do the same and that’s why they don’t have anything in their own profile

  16. Simone Grant says:

    It’s mind-boggling. Why must they be so defensive about it (my sister’s making me do this…)?
    Oh yes. That and, “someone who gets me”. As opposed to someone who doesn’t?
    -snowman expert
    You are the most supportive person on the interwebz. One day I’ll have to take you to coffee and you can tell me how I can be a real writer when I grow up.
    re the all cap – I can’t tell if they’re computer idiots (forgivable) or really intense (scary). So no, I won’t reply to those either.
    Excellent observation, darling.
    Ugh. But then they rant because all of the women who answer are golddigging morons. You get what you ask for.
    Oh, I think you can find these 5 guys anywhere. They’re classics. Sadly :-(
    Misspelling anything is an issue for me. Most sites have spellcheck.
    Thank honey. Yeah, I have a strong suspicion that someone wrote something telling guys to leave things blank and act as if they were too important to fill it out. I can’t think of another explanation.
    Exactly. And yet, they don’t get it.
    As I said, women have their own issues with their profiles. But the issues listed here are taken straight from guys profiles and are very “male” , esp the all caps and the not filling out the profile at all – claiming to be too busy (and then sending out messages to women on the system).
    Oh yes. Another example of, “I’m too important for this”. How do we get them to stop? We don’t reply to their half-asses attempts. They’ll fail and eventually realize that they need to try harder.
    -Tales From A Bar Stool
    I’ve never seen the rows of emoticons – ick. I have seen the ones who say the equivalent of skinny girls only. Charming, aren’t they?
    As I’ve stated before, I don’t believe the guy should always pay. I think it that losers case, he was inviting women out to dinner and picking up the tab. And they weren’t liking him enough for a second date. Thus he was assuming they were using him for dinner. It didn’t occur to him that he might be an asshole that no one wants to date.

  17. nandoism fom the blog says:

    what an excellent post! I had to STUMBLE it too–and if you don’t mind, I
    wanna quote you in a video that I’m doing about profiles… are such a QUEEN BEE
    at these things. I think you should create an eBOOK on how to create the perfect
    profile and I will be the first to buy!

    Thanks for the great insight and all you say is the TRUTH!

  18. happsgirl says:

    i love this post! i think you should come up with an extended guide.
    I don’t understand why they love emphasizing the easy going, laidback and fun just spells, i’m a slob who sits at home and plays video games. teehee!

  19. Simone Grant says:

    nandoism and happsgirl
    Thank you both for the wonderful compliment and fluff to my ego. And happsgirl, if I haven’t said it already (the last few days are a bit blurry) – WELCOME. So glad you found us.

  20. coach carol says:

    yes I agree too. we really have to be very careful with our profiles and take some time to fill them up properly. this is the only thing that will introduce us to the other party and not filling them up properly says a lot about us. great post! :)