The other day I got an email from one of my favorite people, a really great guy friend (the one who’s an ex). He was bummed. The latest woman in his life turned out to be a total non-starter. They’d had one date and plans for the second one and then everything fell to shit.
I felt bad that he felt bad, but honestly I was relieved. For him. I didn’t know this woman. But everything he’d told me about her made me think she was bad news. She seemed like one of those high maintenance girls who used the people in her life to get what she wanted.
But, of course, he could only see the good in her (she was a knock-out and lots of fun).
Now, if things went differently and that second date happened and a 3rd date and so on, I would’ve had to keep my opinions of her to myself. That’s what people do. And then, eventually, when they stopped seeing each other, I would’ve been able to say something along the lines of, “you were too good for her”. And if she did horrible things and hurt him along the way, I would’ve had to sit by and watch. Because that’s what people do. We don’t call our friends up and say, “about your girlfriend, she’s a bitch and you should stop seeing her”.
Which totally sucks, as far as I’m concerned. I want my friends to tell me when I’m dating an asshole. They won’t. They’ll wait until the relationship with the asshole is over and then say, “I’m so glad that’s over”.
If only there were a way that friends could tap into each other’s thoughts about this stuff. A kind of dating mind meld (for those of you who do not get the Star Trek reference, please click here). Then I could find out what my friends really thought of the guys I dated (early on) and they could know what I really felt about the people they dated.
I think that would be cool.
Tags: break up, dating, ex-boyfriend, friends