Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Do You Have a Type?

I’ve been dating for a long time.  A looong time.  Some might say, too long.

I don’t like to put numbers on it all.  That’d be crass.  But in my many years of dating, there have been quite a few men who I went out with more than just 3 or 4 times.  In other words, men I’ve had relationships with. They weren’t all boyfriends, some were other things (other things may include: fuck buddies, friends with benefits, the guys you hope will turn into boyfriends but never do, the guys who hope you turn into a girlfriend, casual relationships, and anything else I’m forgetting to list here). But some were boyfriends and there were even a couple I kinda loved.

When I think back on all of those guys, it’s pretty clear that I was dating the same guy, or the same type of guy, over and over.  There are only a few men who stand out from the crowd, and in each of those cases I knew that I was going out of my way to date against type (one of them was Mr. Potential, btw).  I’ve written about this before.

I was thinking about this last night as I sat and listened to Funky Brown Chick tell me about her meeting with a matchmaker.  One of the things she did was talk a lot about her and “her type” and post meeting she even sent the pics of a bunch of her exes.  And that seeing them all lined up, pictures in a group like that, made her realize just how similar they all really were (in ways that hadn’t occurred to her prior).

In her case, there were physical similarities amongst the exes.  In my case, not so much.  Well, a little bit (not that I’m sitting around looking at their pictures.  I’m relyng on my memory for this.).

What about you?  Are you dating the same person over and over again?  Do you walk into a room and, for example, only notice the blondes?

This week’s poll question is easy and straightforward.  I hope that people can be honest with their answers.  Do you have a type (physical or personality)?

  • Yes. I absolutely have a type. (54 votes)
  • I don’t think so. I’ve fallen for many different types. (43 votes)
  • Other. Please explain in the comments. (6 votes)

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16 to “Do You Have a Type?”

  1. hithatsmybike says:

    I do — it’s eery how much my current beau and my ex have in common (with the exception of the boyfriend being infinitely superior to all that went before him, of course).

    It didn’t occur to me until two years ago when the boyfriend was still a “just seeing” guy and I liked this other guy as well. I talked to my best friend about dating both of them and I kid you not, she exclaimed “What would be the point? THEY’RE EXACTLY THE SAME! THEY EVEN LOOK THE SAME!”

    And they do, kinda. It’s really weird. I guess I’m very specific.

  2. genesisrocks says:

    It’s weird, but I fall for 2 different types of guys- either guys who are really outgoing or guys who are shy. Very rarely do I go out with someone in the middle. I think because I’m shy I feel most comfortable with someone who understands my quietness or else someone who talks so much I don’t feel pressured to talk LOL.

  3. TerrySimpson says:

    Physical type – not so much. Prefer dark hair to light hair – but that’s not terribly important.

    I like strong women – who have their own lives, their own career – do their own thing. When they center their world around me I am uncomfortable, uneasy – and tend to flee.

  4. starangel82 says:

    I don’t really have a type. Physically I am more attracted to dark haired guys, but I don’t object to light haired or no-hair guys. Physically, the guys I have dated have been very different.

    Personality wise, they are more similiar. Secure, have a job, know what they want from life (or a relationship), can make me laugh, etc. I know what I like in a guy… but it’s mostly in the personality where they are the same.

  5. dazediva says:

    I love this post ! I love all your posts ! and I love the way you write ! I know it’s a lot of love there even though I lurk more than I comment – but honestly I do :)

    On first reading – I thought – do I have a type ? I have noticed similarities in quite a few of the guys I have dated – but on second thought – physically – about 80% have been very similar i.e. body type, height, generally all good looking (in my eyes), but have all differed in their personality types. And there is of course the 20% that I dated that are so unlike my primary type – some of close friends got confused ! LOL

    So I suppose I do have a type – but not a physical trait that I can pin point (other than the fact I like tall guys) but there are other traits which I wonder if you (and others) have fallen for initially …. In a night club or bar – my eyes tend to drift towards the guys who are 6ft tall or the best dancer on the floor; then I look at how they are dressed (now I like guys in formal wear as well as scruffy funky wear) so their clothes have to catch my eye; then I look at the face (it has to have something that stands out : could be the way they wear a goatee; or spiky hair; or a fab smile;) and if the guy catches my eye – I actually see how long he can look at me hehehe

    You get my drift hehehe genuinely I haven’t dated or been in any form of a relationship in almost 2 years now but that’s my own choice and I haven’t met anyone to my liking. I have met guys who meet the above but as soon as they have opened their mouth – I want to run away from them !! So the next thing I suppose is how well the man in question can hold a conversation before I want to or see myself getting involved with him.

    I could go on and on – but I won’t … and I will totally re-blog this in more detail :)

    p.s. how do I retweet this post ??

  6. sfsingleguy says:

    I had a type – lawyers. But after careful review I have come to conclude that I need a new type :)

  7. Jennifer-from-NY says:

    I said other.
    I’ve really only dated three people at least semi-seriously. They all have traits in common-things I want and wouldn’t date without- but I think I’ve tried to expand what I naturally go for. I fall into the common trap of wanting an agressive guy and so the first two walked all over me a bit. The guy I’m dating now was not my type- too nice. But in reality once i got to know him he both respected me and can be ‘in charge’.
    Hm, I guess that means he still fits my type just in a below surface way? I think the point for me was to see what was drawing me to him and figure out how to get that in a positive way.
    In a physical sense I usually like curly hair (which my current beau also does not have lol) and interestingly about the same hight range (5’9- 5’10).

  8. BetterNow says:

    I am an Equal-Opportunity Dater. I give most men that approach me a chance as long as I can hold a conversation with them and they make me laugh…hysterical. By giving all different types of men a chance it helps me decide exactly what it is I am and am NOT looking for. However, I have a HUGEEEE thing for Red-headed men…something about them that makes me go crazy. I also try to stay away from attorneys. I work among them and they are a large group of men that just do not appeal to me. For the most part, they make me cringe.

  9. onedatewonder says:

    I am so far from having a type that I don’t even know where I’d start. The guys I’ve dated couldn’t have been more different physically. I am mentally lining up the last four and can’t really find a thing in common. Two of them are overweight, but in completely different ways… that’s it for physical stuff. Personality-wise, they are all very different too. There are similarities there in a way between my two ex-husbands. But beyond that, it’s all night and day between the four of them. Actually, now that I think of it, I find that rather odd.

  10. Azarel says:

    i don’t think i have a type…but i can still see a few traits (personality traits) in the girls i get along with well, does that count?…dammit, how do i change my vote?! =P

  11. AGirlNamedMe says:

    I love me a geek!

  12. MindyMom says:

    I’m always drawn to the tall, dark and handsome type. My last boyfreind (of two years) was almost completely opposite of my type though. He still had the dark and handsome part but he was shorter than me, (and I’d never dated someone shorter) he was also a blue collar guy and drove a truck and before him I had always dated white collar guys. The relationship was fun and hot and we’re still friends. It also taught me to think outside the box when it comes to a “type”.

  13. Veka says:

    I voted no, but I’m going to explain. When it comes to physical traits, I definitely do not have a type. I’ve dated guys with all different hair color, eye color, and skin color. Physical traits like that don’t really matter to me. What I do look for are nice eyes and a nice smile. But even that is subjective sometimes.

    When it comes to personality traits… It seems to be my trend to always date the “assholes” or “dbags.” But that’s just my luck. I’ve gotten the narcissists, the alcoholics, the clingy, the I-think-he-may-be-gay… You name it, I have probably dated one. So when I broaden the spectrum of assholes, I don’t really have a type of those either.

  14. drumdance says:

    I never had a type before, but it seems lately I’m most attracted to writers. The last three people I’ve dated (all within the last 6 months) are all published authors.

  15. Simone Grant says:

    Thank you everyone for your comments and votes. It seems like there’s an almost even split here, amongst the votes and comments. I find that very interesting.

  16. 1991edm says:

    i am a guy, i am shy dark skin , dark wavy/curly hair, brown eyes, hispanic descent, and im 18,

    i am attracted to nice good looking blondess or dirt blondes… ]
    anyways i am to shy to go up to girls in highschool
    most people consider me as a pretty boy ,… which is badd =(