Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I’d Shag You, But I Wouldn’t

I have a split social life.  Sometimes, rarely, I tell random strangers that I’m a blogger and the name of my and all of that stuff.  I usually don’t.  Usually I keep it to myself.

But if I’m out and about with other people from the blogging community then I’ll let the cat out of the bag.

This weekend I was out with Lostplum and TheBOy.  At some point in the evening we ended up at a that Lostplum goes to regularly.  No one knows me there, and since the chances of anyone I know ever showing up there are slim, I introduced myself as a blogger (Usually, when asked what I do, I say that I’m a freelance writer and social media consultant – which is also the truth.  I suck at lying and am in the habit of not doing it.).

My disclosure, that I was a blogger who wrote about dating and that my blog was called Sex, Lies…, prompted a very funny conversation with our bartender.  I can’t remember it verbatim.  Truth is, it was loud and I was drinking.  Heck, we were all drinking.  And I wonder if anyone would have said what they did sober.  Here is the gist of it:

Bartender:  “Wait a minute.  You shag guys and then write about it?”

Me:  “Well, yes.  I write about dating and sex.”

Bartender:  “That’s not right.  I wouldn’t like that. Having some girl write about me like that.”

Lostplum:  (Actually, I can’t remember what she said.  I know she was in the conversation.  Helping to keep it going.  But I can’t remember what or how. Not sure why.)

Bartender:  “I mean, I’d shag you.  You’re cute and all.  But I wouldn’t want to read about it the next day in your blog.”

It went on that way, as I recall, for about 5 – 10 minutes until we left.

It does highlight a fairly obvious issue for me.  There are lots of guys who’d want nothing to do with me if they knew about this blog.  And others who hit on me specifically because of the blog.    Either way, that’s two big chunks of men who fall into the “guys I can’t date” pool.  Which is a shame.  There are a lot of guys in New York.  But not an endless supply.

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8 to “I’d Shag You, But I Wouldn’t”

  1. lostplum says:

    My bad, I think I introduced you as date/sex blogger! Totally, my bad! I do the “this is so-and-so they do this” intros. :) I’ll stop that, so we can open up your pool of men!
    Also, I wish I remember what I said, but that def. is not happening, but it most likely involved me leaning more over the bar towards the bartender, and def. involved me saying “she’s great!” cause you are :)

  2. LPS says:

    Don’t think like that. You provide an important service: debunking myths; inviting debate; giving men who do read your blog an interesting new perspective; new insights for women; providing tips, here and there, for online daters; plus a good read! The blogging sphere is practically a new urban social space – we all meet and interact virtually. It’s still a form of socializing in a weird way. And it’s all good! Get in there with the blog! The comments last night were offhand, tipsy ones, so you didn’t get the chance to explain yourself well. Once anyone gets to know you, I’m sure it’s a whole different ball game, blog or no blog. Try not to put subconscious limitations on your perceived dating choices because of what you do and how men might or might not react. (Your readers love the blog!).

  3. Simone Grant says:

    No worries sweetie. I’m pretty sure I introduced myself as a dating/sex blogger. So not your fault. And thank you:-)
    Thanks darling. I am trying to stay open-minded about that. It’s just going to take some time, I think.

  4. KB_in_NYC says:

    Oh, I can just imagine you and the Plum being your fabulous dating blogger selves and fascinating the hell out of that bartender. It’s weird because I do sleep with men and midway through I’m thinking, Oh this will be great for my blog. In some ways I don’t care if a guy knows that I write a blog or not but maybe that’s because I don’t get past a first date so I don’t feel like I need to be sensitive to his feelings. Or else I write about things that happened a while back.

    But I can see how it can get really tricky with someone you’re actually seeing. Either way it’s a fine line and it does depend on the guy. I reckon you’d need someone pretty open minded and very confident. Or maybe a little crazy.

    Either way keep up the good work Simone; you’ll just have to figure out the rest as you go.

  5. Ghostwriter says:

    They should feel privileged that you’d mention so much as a pubic hair of theirs in your blog 😮

  6. Simone Grant says:

    I’m aiming for open minded and confident. Though I’m open to a little crazy. :-)
    LOL. That’s an interesting way to put it.

  7. Little Lushie says:

    Since my blog is similar in content to yours I am having the exact same experience here in Sydney. It’s perhaps the thought that they might be crap in bed and having to read all about it on the internet is definitely going to be an ego crushing realisation! I have mentioned it once or twice to guys whilst on a date with them and the change in attitude as well as body language is quite interesting!

    Love your blog! I’m new to it so just getting used to all the gadgets etc…you need on the page!

  8. Simone Grant says:

    -Little Lushie
    Thanks so much and welcome to the blog. I hope to be hearing/seeing more of you here. I do believe it’s probably an insecurity issue. And who wants to date an insecure guy, anyway?